Where The Lights Don’t Burn Too Bright Or Not At All 6213

I soon learned that Maire knows Taylor Oshe’s aunt, who told her that her brother and sister-in-law are mortified at their son’s behavior, but would be lying if they said they were surprised. “Taylor had the look of a teen idol, but that’s about it. He can carry enough of a tune but is hardly musically gifted. Anita, his aunt, said that his parents were worried when he was discovered because they didn’t think Taylor was ready for the spotlight,” my daughter said. “What did your friend do,” I asked. “Anita is a producer and writer. She works mainly on programming for teens and kids.” “So Taylor Oshe wasn’t exactly discovered,” I replied. “You know how that works, Daddy.” “Yeah, badly for that two-bit punk.” “I know it’s galling, but I also got my breakthrough nepotism,: Maire said. “But you have talent, Maire, and could have made it on your own. You really think this Taylor Oshe character would have been discovered if he wasn’t connected,” Garland asked. “No sir, I don’t, in fact, I know he wouldn’t have, but it wasn’t Anita who told the scouts to look at him, it was her sister, Toni, who immediately regretted her decision after the record label signed Taylor. Even if Taylor were musically gifted, he wouldn’t be a good candidate for stardom because he has too many other issues, most of which are serious enough to warrant medication. He’s bi-polar and has other emotional maladies,” Maire said. “And I’m sure the record company knew that but forged ahead anyway and made what they could off the idiot before he imploded,” I replied

I thought about Elizabeth, Amy, and my grandbabies going into the entertainment business, which terrifies the shit out of me. Fortunately, we have a lot of experience to steer them right; however, once they become adults, it is impossible to control them. I’m sure Taylor’s aunt thought she was doing her nephew a favor, but in the end, he just wasn’t cut out for the business and blew up. Hopefully, the boy will have learned his lesson and will go on to something more productive, but it sounds like Taylor is on a collision course with something terrible.

So far, Gio and Rayne have shown no interest in becoming musicians, but that could change at any time. They do work in the business doing the illustrations for the Willie Webb graphic novels, which seems to satisfy them. I’ve also let them play on a few tracks of mine. They’re both gifted students who excel in math and science, which I hope leads to them being doctors, scientists, or something highly technical and away from this crazy business. The rest of the youngsters are still a ways off, but time flies, and we’ll have to be ready.

I reckon I’m hoping my babies find something where the lights don’t burn too bright or not at all.

Published in: on April 20, 2019 at 4:21 am  Leave a Comment  
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An Abrupt End To The Good Life 6212

As we were wrapping up the rehearsal, Kirby asked if any of us saw the video of Taylor Oshe cussing out an old man in a wheelchair. “What,” Garland asked in an angry voice. “Who’s Taylor Oshe,” Myron asked. “A pop star who sang “Eat You Love Up” “Shake it Until it Hurts” and Got it Bad, Baby,” Kirby rattled off from his phone. “So he’s an intellectual crooner,” Fergus joked. “Yeah, well anyway here it is,” Kirby said as he pulled up the video.

As I watched three young men cuss out an elderly gentleman at a McDonald’s in Los Angeles, in front of a packed restaurant, it made me wonder if the three guys were on drugs because they had to know this would go viral. Taylor Oshe, a scrawny blonde-haired boy who looks emaciated, told the elderly man that he was in the way and that he needed to move. The man tried to push his wheelchair, but couldn’t, further angering the trio of punks. “Ya old cocksucker, move outta the way,” one of the young men screamed. “This old fuck oughta be pushed onto the highway,” another one of them shouted. “You old piece of shit, get gone fuckface,” Taylor hollered. A couple of men confronted the trio who bolted out of the restaurant, further showing their courage. “Taylor has lost all his endorsement deals and is now facing the grim reality of life without all the perks. According to the article I read this morning, the punk is seriously in debt from his extravagant lifestyle,” Kirby continued. “Those three punks need switches to their asses,” Garland scoffed. “How old is Taylor Oshe,” I asked. “Twenty-two.” “So that little dick grew up with the iPhone, Smartphone, and all the other gadgets, which means that he must have known this would happen unless he were lit up, but damn, his buddies should have known better also,” I said. “This must have happened last night,” Fergus said. “It did,” Kirby replied. “A lot of stations are pulling his songs of the playlists, which fucks him even further. In the piece, the idiot has lost two movies roles, so he did a number on himself,” Fergus added.

The video of Taylor Oshe and his two cohorts perfectly illustrated entitlement, petulance, and a shocking lack of respect for pretty much of anything. In Taylor’s world, which no longer exists, this behavior was apparently acceptable, but reality said otherwise. Taylor got the break of a lifetime at the age of nineteen when his boyish looks landed him a recording deal, and for the past three years, the boy has been living the high life–until now.

Every new act the label signs are told that should hit it big early on that they’ll remember where they came from because the good life that success brings can abruptly end if they act like they’re above their fans and everywhere else.

Entitlement will eventually cut you down to size and then some.

Published in: on April 20, 2019 at 12:33 am  Leave a Comment  
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Letting The Horses Run 6211

After rehearsal, the band and I went to the office and met Jonathon Lodner, the director of the film, “Sharp Turn” a car movie aimed at grease monkeys. Lodner asked if I wanted to do a song for the film. I wouldn’t have bothered, but he’s a friend of Chase’s, so I said I would talk to him.

We met Jonathon Lodner at the office, and we were impressed by his professionalism and sense of humor. I asked him if he went to school with the billionaire and he laughed. “No, I worked in his gaming department.” “Okay, so tell me about the film.” “It’s a car movie about two desperate men on the run.” “How about a song about a sharp turn,” I asked. “That would be great,” Lodner said. “Alright, we’ll work on it and deliver it in the next couple of days.” “I could kiss you,” the young director replied. “That’s okay, I don’t want to make your wife jealous,” I replied. Lodner’s face turned red, and I laughed. “We’ll be in touch,” I then said. “Okay, I can’t wait.” “You sure,” I asked. “Aah, yes, sir,’ the young director replied in frazzled tone.

After dinner, the band and I went back to the studio to work on “Sharp Turn” A good action film deserves a hard-rocking song with a solid beat, so we worked on that first before I sang the opening verses of the lyrics. I didn’t expect us to finish, but after an hour, the words and music were done, so we played the song through a couple of times and were satisfied with the way it sounded. Kirby and I both got a lead to play, and Garland and Fergus provided a rock-solid beat while Myron contributed with a nifty keyboard run. I called Robin, who came in to record us and after two takes, we got it down right according to my daughter. “Work your magic and let me know when it’s done,” I said.

The band laughed and said that it was a cool experience. “How did you come up with that so quickly,” Myron asked me. “Scragg just does it without even thinking. I bet there are thousands of songs in that brain of his,” Kirby said. “I was just motivated to get this done,” I replied. “Whatever, Scragg, but you have a bunch of songs in that brain.” “I had the players to get this done, so I went for it, and it paid off, so give yourself credit,” I then told the band, who all gave me a thumbs up.

When you have the horses let them run.

Published in: on April 19, 2019 at 1:55 am  Leave a Comment  
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I Wouldn’t Be Where I Am Without My Detractors 6210

The enraged press turned their poisoned pens on me after they were denied access to Myron. “We all know Scragg is calling the shots and keeping his pianist from answering for his rude behavior back in the 80s. How a man can continually spit in the face of decency and everything we hold dear and become more popular is bewildering,” wrote one phony putz. “Scragg has brainwashed another minion to suit his needs,” penned another. “Fuck you, Scragg Man, fuck you. fuck you, fuck you,” another imbalanced soul lashed out.

Keep the positive press coming you fools.

While I laughed it up, I could see that Garland and Myron were more than a bit apprehensive, which was understandable since they have never gone through something like this before, especially the reserved Garland, who prefers to do his thing without any fanfare. “Unfortunately, the vultures come with the territory, but you’ll get used to it and not even think about them after a while,” I assured the bassist. “I’m good, Scragg, it’s only trash talk, which means it’s only words,” Garland replied. “Right, always remember that, and you’ll be fine. I’ve managed to turn my detractors into a plus for me by not losing my cool and keeping all this in perspective. What I do isn’t important, so if they want to make an international issue out of it then so be it. I’m going to play music for the fans, which is why you go on tour. If you let them bring you down, then they win, so remember why you’re out here and what the end game is,” I said. “I know that Scragg, and I’ll be ready,” Garland replied. “I guess my days as an unassuming music teacher are over,” Myron said. “You’re a sexist pig, a racist bastard, and a no good scoundrel,” I told the pianist who laughed. “Oh yeah, man those days were fun,” Myron replied. “I bet they were.”

Robin then walked into the studio to show me a video.

“As usual, the Scragg Man is doing his best to sabotage our children’s education with his non-stop assault on decency, but we’re not going to stand by and let this perverted and soulless man influence our children with ungodly images and filthy talk, no we’re going to fight back because this man is a menace who needs to be stopped. He has spread his wicked message long enough, and the good people of the great nation are tired of it! No more Scragg Man,” a fat, balding man named Richard McCarty screamed at an auditorium full of people who cheered wildly. “His filthy movie is corrupting our children! The book to the movie is being read by impressionable minds! His album is nothing but filth and perversion! No more, Scragg Man, we’re fighting back,” a red-faced McCarty bellowed.

Damn, I must be one wicked dude.

“He tried to get a ‘Day without Scragg’ march going, but couldn’t find enough people interested. He’s a blowhard preacher as you can see, but he has passion, or at least he pretends to,” Robin said. “Yes, I can see his dedication to Christ and the church,” I replied. My daughter then showed me another video featuring a husband and wife preacher duo tearing my name down that made me laugh.

I wouldn’t be where I am if it weren’t for my detractors who give the kind of publicity that money can’t buy. I don’t relish being the immoral, lousy guy who delights in corrupting youngsters, but that’s what they’re pushing. Fortunately, I have a legion of fans who know better and set the record straight by supporting me.

But I do appreciate those attempt to tear me down.

Published in: on April 18, 2019 at 1:34 am  Leave a Comment  
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Too Much Talk About Nothing 6209

The band got back to rehearsing this morning and we had a productive session. I told the guys that I might get a song list together, but then again, I may not. “I like keeping things loose and fun, so who knows,” I said. “Loose and fun,” Garland said in disbelief. “Yes, aren’t you having fun?” “Scragg, some of these songs are difficult and you keep piling it on.” “Oh yeah, I like to play a variety of songs.” “This is nerve-wracking!” “You’ll be fine, just don’t get overwhelmed.” “Wow,” Garland said in a daze. “You’ll be fine, trust me,” I assured him.

Marty then stopped by.

My manager told me that the vultures dug up some footage of Arrogant Al saying outrageous things, but trying to spin it that I hire Neanderthals. “Nobody is buying it, but they’re doing it,” Marty said as he hit the button to play a video clip. “Wakala has eaten too many of those berries in the jungle that has fried his brain. He can throw a spear, but that doesn’t do you any good in the ring. “Lady V needs to put on her apron and cook her man a meal. Women would be better off if they didn’t have so much say.” “Chop Chop is stroking his pride at Wounded Arse.” “Chaz Costa is nothing more than a Brazilian nut; you have to really work to get to what’s inside the shell, but it’s easier to outthink him because his brain is the same size as the nut.” “That’s what I have to say to George Wesley,” Myron said before guzzling a mug of beer then turning in upside down, which means: “Fuck the Queen.” “I’m not too bright, I’m Roman Karski, I keep getting my bedroom and bathroom mixed up, but hey what’s the difference? I’m a Pole, which means I can take a dump anywhere.” 

At least Arrogant Al insulted a wide swath of folks.

After chuckling, I asked Myron if there were any more of these vids out there. “Probably, Scragg, we did a lot of those.” “Okay, no big deal.” “You should hear some of the comments,” Marty said. “We’re not going to pay any attention to that.” “It was all a joke and no one took it seriously,” Myron pleaded. “No one does now, either, so don’t worry about,” Garland told him. “Right, if they’re going to make a big deal over this then they can do it by themselves,” I added. “Man, I never thought anyone would get riled up over that, but then again, we live in crazy times,” Myron remarked.

I remember watching professional wrestling back in the 80s and thinking it was the silliest thing imaginable. It definitely played on stereotypes and some of the stunts wouldn’t be done today. With all that said, no one except the delusional took it seriously and the fans knew that the wrestlers were merely playing characters. I won’t get into a discussion over Myron’s wrestling days because there is nothing to discuss. Marty can put out a statement and that will be that. I’ve learned that silence is better than trying to parry questions about some silly shit that should be obvious to adults with any intelligence. “We don’t get into shit like that, Myron because all it does is give the vultures ammunition to paint you as sexist, racist, homophobic, or whatever. You were playing a part and that is that. It’s over now and time to move on,” I said. The ex-wrestler couldn’t have agreed more.

There is too much talk about nothing, which has led to something bad.

Published in: on April 17, 2019 at 12:53 am  Leave a Comment  
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Bumpkinwood 6208

Blake, Bob, and I went to the early show at the cinema to watch “The Glass Spider” Bruce’s new flick that was released on Friday to mostly positive reviews and a healthy weekend box office haul.

As I watched the flick, I couldn’t help but notice how accomplished an actor Bruce is, which isn’t a surprise, it’s just he’s such a natural. Playing a retired psychiatrist living in Bolivia, North Carolina, who was spending his days in a fog until he hears about a serial killer in Charlotte killing young men. When forensic technicians put together a glass spider found at a crime scene, Bruce recalls one of his former patients In Kansas City who he was treating before he suffered a massive stroke that forced him into retirement. He calls the police in Charlotte and asks if there is a Steven Betts in Charlotte, and they tell him they can’t locate one. He then tells a young reporter, played by Claire, who follows up and discovers that Steven Betts has changed his name and that he’s a doctor at the ER in Charlotte, suddenly, Steven Betts, now known as David Winslow, is a suspect in the crimes.

Like all good suspense films, there are plenty of twists and turns that keep you guessing. Just as you think Betts is the killer, another murder happens and he had an alibi. Upon further investigation, the glass spider, which Betts used to carry when he was a young man to help him with his irrational fears was just a red herring and had nothing to do with the murders. The killer is a troubled young man who was very much like Betts when he was younger.

The ending of the film as Betts, or David Winslow moving to Seattle where he relocates to get away from his past. The scene cuts to night and he’s cruising for young men with rope, tape, and a mask in the backseat.

I liked the movie and found it suspenseful. Blake and Bob did, too, and outside of the homo-erotic theme combined with some disturbing talk regarding sexual perversion, the film would have gotten a milder rating. The gore was kept to a minimum and the film was better for it. “Low budget, big profit, which is the formula for success in this business,” I said. “That’s right, and we have all become rich off it,” Bob added. “Isn’t your film going to be released soon,” Blake then asked him. “Yep, sure is.” “Wha film,” I asked. “Lesson Plans,” Blake said with a smirk. “Oh, I bet that gets an X rating,” I cracked. “Elmer, it’ll get an R,” my wife corrected. “Now if I were naked it would have gotten that,” Bob joked. “Damn, that’s an ugly image,” I replied. “Look what we had to endure with you,” Bob countered. “That’s different,” I protested. Blake laughed and told me to keep my mouth shut.

We’re getting good this movie stuff and Hollywood has taken notice because we’re now making films for them. “Maybe we should call our movie company ‘Bumpkinwood,’ we may not be high class, but we sure get top dollar,” I declared. Blake and Bob laughed.

Yep, we know our movies.

Published in: on April 16, 2019 at 1:08 am  Leave a Comment  
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Inspired By Greatness 6207

Watching the Notre Dame Cathedral burn while helpless Parisians looked on with a mixture of agony and disbelief made me feel sad. The grand structure had endured almost seven hundred years of wars, invasions, and social upheaval only to be ravaged by an accidental fire–or so they are speculating.

The visited site in Paris that is a sacred building among the world’s Catholics, the Notre Dame Cathedral is perhaps the most famous religious structure outside of the Sistine Chapel in the world. The cathedral is a testament to the brilliance of the engineers and artisans who constructed it. The Catholic religion along with civilization, in general, is in crisis from a lack of resolve and the from the inability to correct unconscionable acts of evil perpetrated on the most vulnerable, but looking at the Notre Dame Cathedral showed what man could do when inspired.

It’s no mystery as to why we can no longer build such grand structures.

The last report I heard is that the main structure of the cathedral was saved, but there was still extensive damage. I told Blake that they can do wonders with renovations, but it will never be what it was. “I remember seeing it when we were in Paris. We didn’t have time to go inside, but it sure was impressive from the outside,” I said. “It’s a shame that something so beautiful has been ravaged by fire,” my wife replied. “I know, I never thought man could conjure up such beauty and awe,” I added.

In a time in history when Jackson Pollack is considered an artist, and when throwing dog shit on canvas is praised as art, the sight of watching a work of art go up in flames is even more sickening. Back when there was no electricity, computers, power tools, or software programs to help one design and erect such a grand structure, the imagination of men built some of the most impressive structures and works of art ever. I love modern conveniences as much as the next guy, but I do wonder if they’re not making us weak and feeble.

Of course, the great artists and engineers back in the day didn’t waste their time chatting a cell phone about inconsequential bullshit. They didn’t need support dogs or whatever four-legged creature that makes folks feel secure. They didn’t binge watch some insipid television show while packing on the pounds eating processed shit. Yes, the men–and women–back in the day were undoubtedly heartier and more imaginative than us today.

Because art comes from within and they knew how to harness that creativity because if they wanted to create something grand, it had to come from the minds that were able to conceptualize their masterpieces and then make them a reality.

They were inspired by greatness.

Published in: on April 15, 2019 at 11:19 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Life Is Too Short To Be Afraid 6206

Blake and I got back to the farm a little after eight. We put the girls to bed and then went ourselves, which felt great. It didn’t take long for us to fall asleep and by morning we were as good as new.

After taking the girls to school, Blake and I went back to the house and got on our bikes for a ride on the backroads. Blake guided us through the sticks like a pro and when we snaked our way to Rocky Point, we were ready for a soda.

As we sat on our bikes sipping our sodas and watching the traffic roll by on 40, Blake asked me if we were having too much fun. “I hope so,” I replied. “And you said that without a shred of guilt.” “Because I have none.” “You’re right, feeling guilty is pointless.” “Exactly, so wallow in the fun.” “What we would do if we were poor,” my wife then asked me. “Take a short drive and get ice cream,” I replied. “Like we did in Kansas,” Blake replied with a laugh. “but we really weren’t poor,” she then added. “We’d sit on the porch and drink iced tea.” “What would we do in the winter?” “The same thing, it doesn’t get that cold down here.” “What if we lived in Kansas?” “Well, we’d already be crazy, so it wouldn’t be hard to find something mundane to amuse us,” I cracked. “Hey, that’s my home state.” “Not your fault, but we would go elsewhere.” “You liked Kansas.” “Actually, I did.” “It would be nice if they had a Culver’s here,” Blake then said. “You got that right, I hear they have them in Charlotte, but that’s not helping us here.” “And a cold winter is sometimes nice,” Blake then said. “Okay, that must be a Kansas thing.” “Winter is supposed to be cold, Elmer.” “Okay, but it’s never that cold in Hawaii.” “That’s an island.” “And?” “Islands are usually warm in the winter.” “What about Great Britain?” “Forget it, Elmer, sometimes a cold winter rejuvenates things.” “Okay, I’ll take your word for it.” Blake rolled her eyes and then gave me an annoyed look.

We rode back to the farm, showered up and then relaxed in the living room. I figured I would lounge for the rest of the day to get ready for the rest of the week. I then walked to the kitchen to get an ice cream sandwich. Blake was checking her phone messages and I asked her if she wanted one, which she didn’t. I looked outside and saw Caroline and David talking by the fence. I opened up my ice cream sandwich and began eating it while pondering my daughter’s future.

Caroline and David make a great couple, but they’re so afraid of getting hurt that they’ve paralyzed themselves from going any further. I have warned them both of the dire consequences of being afraid to live, but they still hold on to feelings of hurt, guilt, and anger over the past. “Those two dingbats need to get on with their lives and stop worrying about getting hurt. If that’s they’re going to live then they should go live in a cocoon,” I said. Blake gave me a curious look and then looked outside. “They’re still dealing with issues,” she told me. “They’re full of shit; it’s just fear and laziness keeping them where they’re at. It’s none of my business, but I would hate for my daughter ton regret this down the road.” “Are you going to say something?” “Yes, and I’m going to spell it out.” “Be gentle, Elmer.” “That doesn’t work around here,” I replied. “She does have some issues, Elmer.” “We all do, Blake, but that hasn’t stopped the rest of us from experiencing life and forging ahead. Her daughters need to see her do that, so they don’t follow that errant path.” “You’re right.”

When the past dictates your future, it’s time to take hold and start living like you mean it, which includes pain, but also joy, love, and all the other good stuff.

Life is too short to be afraid.

Published in: on April 15, 2019 at 1:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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A Sunday Drive Through Brooklyn 6205

I decided I could live in New York City for a spell if I could have all these amenities, and you know what? I can, but I would undoubtedly miss the farm after a few days and my ways would collide with the norms up here; however, money makes people overlook shit like that and since I have it, I would be delightfully eccentric. “No, Elmer, you would agitate these people to no end,” Blake said. Tabby then called and I walked out of the suite and down the lobby t chat with Ron, the desk clerk.

A free-spirit with a laid-back attitude that I would expect to find somewhere in Cali instead of Brooklyn, Ron is one of those people that is impossible to dislike. “I see you’re working on a fine Sunday morning,” I said. “Yes, ain’t it a shame?” “No, it’s good that a dude like you gets worked to the bone.” Ron grinned and asked if I needed anything. “Nope, I reckon we’ll leave this afternoon, but damn, I could hole up here for a spell,” I replied. “You should, Scragg, the less society sees of you the better it is for everyone,” Ron fired back. I laughed and then we were joined by Jim Tompkins, a Texas oilman up here on some business.

Blake and I met Jim last night and found him to be a character. Dressed in western regalia, and sporting a bushy mustache that was white like his hair, the oil man didn’t exactly fit in around here, which made him a pleasant surprise. “Christ, you know what they say about people from Texas; I reckon Jim has finally admitted it,” I said to Ron, who chuckled. “Shit, we know you’ve swung both ways and probably did it with a dog,” Jim countered. “Yeah, tell that mutt of yours to stop roaming the streets all night.” Jim laughed and the shit was on.

Until Blake showed up.

“Elmer, are you talking nasty,” my wife asked me. “No, ma’am, but you should have heard Ron and Jim,” I replied. “Elmer, I know you’re the ringleader, so don’t give me that.” “Now that’s a woman who knows her husband,” Jim said. “Oh, I know Elmer, all too well,” Blake replied. “There’s my reputation being besmirched again,” I said. “Please, now what’s for breakfast,” my wife asked. “We’re cooking in, I just need to get to a grocery store.” “You mean you’re cooking,” my wife clarified. 

Ron called us a cab and Blake and I went to the nearest grocery store where I bought eggs, pancake mix, bacon, and fruit along with some other necessary ingredients We then went back to the suite where I whipped up the meal that left Blake more than satisfied. I even took Ron a plate that he wolfed down.

We then made the decision to go home this afternoon.

We both wanted to stay and do some things we’ve talked about, but we both have stuff at home that needs to get done, so I promised my wife that we’ll do this again when we have a little m0re time, which was good enough for her. 

I then called the cab and told him to pick us up again. 

We drove around Brooklyn and soaked up the sights before heading to the airport. The cabbie pointed out some of the landmarks while Blake and I got lost in the last vestiges of our magical weekend.

And a Sunday drive through Brooklyn was the perfect way to cap off the trip. 

Published in: on April 14, 2019 at 12:23 am  Leave a Comment  
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How Was I Ever A Poor Man? 6204

By six in the morning, Blake and I were aloft and heading to our second destination. My wife told me not to bother her and let her sleep, which wasn’t a problem because I did the same thing. Around two, we both woke up and we were not too far off from landing.

At two-forty in the afternoon, we touched down in New York City.

Blake gave me a slightly annoyed look but said that she expected nothing less than insane. I got a cab and told him to get us to Brooklyn. We arrived in one piece and then checked into the Franklin Guesthouse, a luxury hotel where I crashed on the bed and wondered how I was ever poor. Blake smiled and then jumped on top of me. “You’re the only man in the world who would pull something like this,” she screamed before giving me a kiss that led to another one–and another one–and then something more.

After a wild time in the sack, Blake and I showered up and then rested for a spell. I made a call and the man told us to come whenever. I asked my wife if she was hungry and she said she was ravenous. I said we were on our way.

We arrived at Peter Luger Steakhouse, perhaps the best in the country, and we walked in. David Berson, the vice president of the restaurant greeted us with a laugh.”Oh Lord, are we in trouble or what,” he said before shaking my hand. “Of course you are, you’re here, which is never a positive sign,” I replied. “I remember that humor, but you never got around to eating here,” David replied. “Nope, but here I am with my beautiful wife, so show me what you got.” “She is beautiful, which makes the contrast that much starker,” David cracked. I laughed and formally introduced Blake to him.

I then saw an older waiter looking agitated that made me feel a tad evil. “Say, David, get this hump to serve us, I’ll make sure he earns his keep around here,” I said within earshot of the three other waiters and some customers. The older waiter stopped and eyed me. “Gotta big mouth pal,” he replied. “Yeah, almost as big as your ass,” I countered. “Elmer,” Blake seethed. David couldn’t carry the joke any further and burst out in laughter. “I told him to bust your chops, Joe. Do you know who he is,” David asked the waiter, who looked me over? “Oh boy, it’s that crazy Scragg Man,” Joe said with a hearty laugh. All eyes then turned to me and I smiled. “I hear this joint serves some pretty good beef. I, myself, am partial to pork, but I like steak. Of course, after eating Eastern barbecue, it’s hard to eat anything else,” I said. “Please, someone slap that fool,” an elderly customer yelled. “Elmer, follow the waiter and zip it,” Blake ordered, which got a round of applause from staff and customers alike.

Blake and I ordered the tomato and onion salad, thick-cut bacon, creamed spinach, and hash browns to go along with the porterhouse steak for two. The restaurant is set up as a German-style tavern, which gives it a homey feel. Joe kept our drinks filled while he and I hurled insults at each other. The other customers laughed at my jokes and I soaked up the experience. “Where’s Elwood and Rogers,” a young lady at the table next to us asked. “Two places that are no longer on the map,” I replied before telling her about Carrollton Road, 406, and 32. “We watched your video of you singing it in LA yesterday,” the young woman then said. “Yes, we went to a concert last night and then flew back here.”

The rest of the customers checked out the video on their phones.

“It’s such a great song, so is “Duane and Bonnie” I hope you release them one day,” the young woman continued. “I will, and I appreciate the like.” “Wow, you really are humble.” “Yeah, and he has a big mouth, too,” Joe added while laying the porterhouse on the table.

The steak was unreal and Blake and I looked at each other in disbelief as we ate the beef. I’ve never eaten a steak this good and doubt I ever will again unless I come back here. Joe laughed and said that Blake and I looked cute eating the steak. “We don’t eat like this,” my wife told him. “Tell this putz to start feeding you better,” David as he walked to the table. “I will, in fact, can’t you order your steaks and have them shipped,” Blake asked. “You certainly can.” “Elmer can cook, so I’m going to put him to work,” Blake then said. “Do it,” the restaurant called out in unison.

Blake ordered the steaks and some bacon, which was expensive, but we have the money, so I’m grateful we can do this. We chatted with David and the staff for a spell before heading back to the hotel. I took out a chocolate gold coin that the restaurant gives out and handed it to Blake, who devoured it. “There’s no place like Peter Lugar,” I said. “You’re right, Elmer, there isn’t.” “We have to come back someday.” “And we will,” Blake replied with a smile.

How was I poor for so long?

Published in: on April 13, 2019 at 3:47 am  Leave a Comment  
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