Listening To The Radio 887

Amber called me and said that “Walk A Little Farther Down The Road With Me” is now on the radio. “I got 97.3 to play the song, so listen for it. The album will out shortly and the buzz his great, Scragg. I’ve been getting calls about it, which is a very good sign. Paige’s webpage is getting a lot of hits, and I think this song is going to be a hit. By the way, congratulations on the baby,” the record exec said. “Thank you, Amber, and I’ll listen for the song because that’s the station my wife listens to,” I replied. “I bet you love that,” Amber replied. “I just tune it out.” “Well don’t tune out your song.” “If I’m lucky, it’ll be in between Air Supply and Michael Bolton,” I quipped. “Or Celine Dion and Lionel Ritchie,” the record exec added with a chuckle.

Where did my nuts go?

An hour later, Blake and I were snuggling on the couch when the song came on. I listened with pride as Paige and I sang her tune in perfect harmony. Blake gave me a big hug and sang along enthusiastically. “This is great, baby,” she said to me. “Finally, a song that’s uplifting,” she added. “You saying my songs are downers?” “No, but they’re so intense; this song is so pretty and happy,” my wife replied.

Blake was still humming the song after it played.

A half-hour after the song played, the DJ took calls from listeners–all women–who praised the song. “It took a woman to tame that filthy Scragg Man, who should now know that going into topless bars and recording albums is ignorant,” one listener said. “This is soft for the Scragg Man, but it works because the harmony is so great,” another one said. “Looks like the idiot got his mind out of the gutter.” “I love Paige Ambrose. I’m glad to see she set her father straight.” “Let’s hope Kev isn’t in the video,” was the last comment.

My partner can’t win.

The radio was abuzz over my baby’s song, which added to my joy. Paige stopped by after work and was overwhelmed by the response to her tune. “This is so weird, Daddy,” she said in a daze. Michael gave her big hug and said that she’s going to be a star. “I don’t know what to do,” my daughter said. “Just enjoy it for now,” I replied. “This album is going to be picked up by a major record label, ” Blake said confidentially, which surprised both Paige and me. “You sound mighty sure of that,” I replied. “I’ve heard the album, and I know it’s going to be a hit,” Blake said. “You guys put out an album that grownups will buy, and maybe that miserable Club Jack’s album will be put to rest,” she added. “Hey, that album is making me good money,” I replied. My wife rolled her eyes before giving Paige a hug.

The song came on again while Paige was holding Elizabeth, and I got a little choked up seeing her rock my baby girl to the gentle beat of her song. Blake didn’t hold back, and neither did Tabitha and Tara. It was a mushy scene, but a beautiful one. “Wow, I feel weak in the knees,” I said. “That’s good because you need to start feeling joy more,” Blake replied. “Yeah, Elmer, don’t hold back,” Tabitha implored. “Okay, rub some salt in my eyes,” I quipped, which got me a slap from Blake. “Idiot,” she scoffed.

It was a wonderful moment.

Up And About 886

Every three to four hours, Elizabeth howls to be fed. It’s something that neither Blake and I are used to, but we don’t complain because this is what we both wanted. The mornings come early and we’re always doing something for her. Blake enjoys holding her on the sofa, which is always picture worthy. In a matter of a few days, I already have compiled a scrapbook worth  of pictures of Elizabeth.

The door rang and I was surprised to see Milt at the door. I let the old ax man in and he immediately took a look at Beth, and smiled. “Yep, she’s going to look like her mama,” he declared. “Everyone says that, and I hope that’s the case,” I replied. Milt and I took a seat and began to talk about him for a spell. “I can’t do much, but I can’t just sit around the house. I know I need to change my ways, and I will, but I miss working. I’ve never been one to sit around, so it’s hard for me. I wanted to see the baby and congratulate you two. This is such a blessing for the both of you,” the ax man said. “We’re just happy you’re going to be okay,” my wife replied. “Thank you, Ma’am, and I appreciate everyone’s prayers. The restaurant was mobbed when I drove past it, which I’m sure makes you happy. I’m going to stop in when I leave from here. Rory really loves that place, and I’m grateful he has something to go to everyday. He’s really a good roommate, and all he needed was a little stability,” Milt said. “I’m glad it’s working out, and please don’t worry about your job, Milt, because it’s there when you’re ready to come back. I know you’ll be on light duty for a while, which will still help us out a bunch because I’m going to want to take more time now that I have a baby.” “I know, Scragg, and I can’t wait to get back. I pulled out my guitar this morning and did a little jamming. I’ll get through this, but it’s going to be rough adjusting to a more cautious life. Getting old is rough, but it beats not getting there,” the old slinger said.

A thought then popped in my head.

I called Johnny Style, who heard about my new addition. “I’m in no hurry, Scragg, and I know where your priorities lie, so just take care fo the domestic front and don’t worry anything else,” the old rocker told me. “I got someone I want you to met, Johnny, he’s your age and just got out of the hospital. I think you two might be able to help each other, so I’m going to give him the phone and let you two talk. His name is Milt Dooley, and here he is.” I handed Milt the phone and told him it was Johnny Style.

An hour later, Milt handed me back the phone.

“I’m so sorry about the time. I’ll pay for that call if it’s over your limit,” the ax man said. “Don’t worry about it. What did Johnny say?” “He’s coming up tomorrow to talk to me. I told him about Fire Lake, and he said that he remembers us. Johnny said that he’s lonely, so this will be good. He seems like a real nice guy, and I’m looking forward to meeting him,” Milt replied. “He’s the last surviving member of Straight Ahead. I remember feeling sick when Gil died, but drugs will do that to you,” I replied. “I knew plenty of people whose vices killed them. Gil Manzoni was a gifted guitarist, but little else, Scragg. It’s a shame, but it’s true.” “I know, and I wouldn’t trade my life for his ability because it isn’t what’s important in the end,” I replied. Milt laughed. “You have his ability, Scragg, I’ve never anyone better than you,” the old slinger replied. “Flattery will get you everywhere, Milt.” “I’m not flattering you, I’m just stating a fact. But what’s really great about you is that you understand what’s important in life. The road will kill you, especially if you don’t have the discipline to tame it. You have everything you need right here, so don’t let anyone tell you what you have to do because you got it going on.” “Thanks, Milt,” I replied. Blake gave me a big hug and then gave Milt one. “I’m hungry,” she then announced. “Let me go get you something from the restaurant,” Milt said. “Chocolate pancakes,” my wife exclaimed. “And a peach smoothie.” “And a biscuit,” Blake continued. “Anything else,” Milt asked. “No, that’ll do it,” Blake replied. Milt headed out just as Elizabeth woke up.

And she, too, was hungry.

Taking Care Of What You Know You Have To 885

Blake perked up when Paige, Tabitha, and Tara stopped over with outfits and gifts for Elizabeth, who was oblivious to it all. I stepped outside with Bob and Bruce, as they prepared to head home. “It’s going to be fine, Scragg, so please don’t let Bambi’s bullshit bring you down. She’s always been a miserable woman who only cares about herself, which is sad, but she isn’t going to change now. Blake’s parents were about as worthless as they come, but Blake managed to pull her life together and make something of it. I hate it that Bambi can’t let shit go because Elizabeth is so precious. It’s pathetic, but that’s her choice,” Bruce said. “I know, and I’ve already made up my mind to have nothing to do with the woman. I just thought she would like to know about Beth, but being vindictive is more important to her. I’m good with that because I’ll never have to deal with her,” I replied. “Blake said the same thing, so you’re both on the same page there,” Bruce added. “We’re going to hit the road because we both have to work tomorrow at the school,” Bob said. “I guess that’s working out for you guys,” I said. “So far it has, and apparently we’re in demand, which is a nice feeling,” my best friend replied. “Go work on your lesson plans,” I said before Paige stepped out. “I guess Blake had words with her mother,” she said. “Yes, but that’s been resolved,” I replied. “I guess she’s crazy,” my daughter replied. “Yes, which is why it’s not worth getting upset over. I hate it for Blake, but I’m not going to have Elizabeth exposed to someone like that. Life is great for us, and I’m sorry that it isn’t for Bambi, but it’s her choice to wallow in misery.” “You got that right,” Bruce said before he and Bob headed home.

Paige gave me a smile as we stood outside. “I was never close to my brother and sister because I was never made to feel welcome, so I can relate to what Blake is going through, or at least I think I can. Elizabeth is so beautiful, which is Blake’s mother’s loss. I’m just so happy I have a little sister that I can be close with. It’s going to be a blast, Daddy,” my daughter said. “Yes it will, and I’m thankful that she has a big sister to help out. Life is great, and as long as we take care of business, things will go smoothly. That’s not to say there won’t unforeseen circumstances because that’s just life. If you take care of the stuff you know you have to things usually work out,” I replied. “That’s true,” Paige agreed. “Let’s go inside and make a big fuss over Elizabeth,” I said. Paige smiled.

Life is great.

Bad Call To Kansas 884

Babies are a lot of work, and they don’t care if you’re tired; they want to be fed, have their diapers changed, and be bathed. Everything about them is work.

It’s not too bad.

I got up with the baby this go around, so Blake could get some rest. I changed her diaper and then fed her. She’s so small and is dependant on us for everything. I can’t believe I’m responsible for such a precious thing, but I’m getting to understand it because Elizabeth is always reminding me.

Wow.

I crawled back into bed and snuggled up to Blake, who was sleeping soundly. This is our life.

The morning was spent tending to Elizabeth, who just looks at me when I feed her. I looked at Blake, who was looking at me, and smiled. “She’s something else,” I said. “Yes she is, and so are you,” my wife replied. “You’re the one, Blake; I just want to make sure you and Elizabeth have everything you need.” “The most important thing we need is you, so take care of yourself. You’re going to need more rest and start eating better. This is what we have talked about since we got married, and now that it’s here we need to take care of ourselves, so we can care for Beth,” Blake said. “You’re already calling here Beth?” “That’s what everyone will call her, so she might as well get used to it.” “True, and Beth is a beautiful name. Did you call your mother,” I asked in a casual tone. Blake gave me a sad look. “What should I do, Elmer,” she asked. “This is her granddaughter,” I replied. “I know, but it’s always so unpleasant talking to her.” “It’s your call, baby, but I would think she would want to know she has a new grand baby,” I replied. “You’re right, I’ll call her,” My wife said.

It took Blake a couple tries before she got up with her mother.

It didn’t take long for things to go bad.

“Mother, why do you say such terrible things,” Blake pleaded, which got my dander up. “No, you’re still stuck in the past, and I’m not here to throw mud,” my wife continued. I could see Blake falling to pieces. “You’re fucking crazy! What is wrong with you,” she screamed as the tears began to fall. I took the phone and clicked it off.

That was a bad idea.

“I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t think she’d pull any mess like that,” I said to my wife who was in the grips of a watery sob. I put Elizabeth in her crib, and then held my wife. “She’s so awful, Elmer. She still talks to me like she did when I was a teenager. She’s crazy, evil, and hopelessly bitter. I’m never talking to her again,” Blake said through the tears. “You got that right,” I agreed.

Blake slowly cam out of her funk, but her short conversation with her mother put a damper on the day, which tore me up. Bob and Bruce stopped by after school, and they noticed that Blake was still a little weepy. I told them what happened, which pissed both of them off. “It’s okay, Blake, now you know,” Bruce said as he gave her a big hug. “She’s crazy, Bruce, and she’s never going to change.” “I know, but that’s her loss, not yours,” the super-sub replied.

While Blake and Bruce talked about letting go, Bob and I stopped outside. I told my best friend that I never wanted to see Blake that upset again. “I should have known, but I figured she would want to know that she has a new grand baby,” I said. “Of course, but Bambi isn’t normal, Scragg, and like Bruce said: now you both know how that miserable woman feels. It’s sad, but Bambi did this to herself,” Bob replied. “I guess we won’t bother telling Scout,” I said. “No, just keep Bambi and Mark out of your lives. Blake has made incredible progress in her life and the last thing she needs is to be rattled by two people who don’t give fuck about anybody but themselves. It’s mind-boggling, but if you knew Bambi, you wouldn’t be surprised at anything she does.” “She called Blake terrible names. She said she was nothing more than a desperate woman looking for anyone to care about her. She purposely made her daughter feel terrible. I know people like that, but you’re right: you’re never surprised at what they do, but it’s still incredible that they could be that way. The hell with it, Elizabeth has plenty of people to love her, so Bambi can just fade away and be forgotten about,” I replied. “Unfortunately, that’s how it’s going to end, anyway,” Bob replied.

Talk about a bad call to Kansas.

 

Bringing Home Baby 883

We brought Elizabeth home the next day, and our lives have changed forever. I knew having a baby would drastically alter my life, which I thought I was prepared for, but it didn’t take long for Blake and I to realize that we were no longer free to do what we please. I know I’m still in a daze, but I’ll adjust because I have no choice.

Another journey has commenced.

Blake and I took a seat on the sofa and stared at Elizabeth, who was sleeping in Blake’s arms. “She’s incredible,” my wife said. “Is it what you imagined,” I asked. “This beyond anything I could have imagined. It’s something that I thought we would happen, but wasn’t sure, if you know what I mean,” Blake said. “I get your drift, baby, and I can say that I never thought I would have a baby, but that just goes to show how strange and wonderful life can be.” Blake smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I’ve spent my life being consumed by work because I didn’t have anything else in it. I love my job, but she puts everything in perspective for me. She didn’t ask to be brought into this world, so it’s up to us to give her the best we have. I could go on and on, but I’m just going to savor this moment,” Blake said.

We got an hour of quiet time before Paige, Tabitha, and Tara showed up. They all wanted to hold the baby and make a fuss over her. “My little sister,” Paige said to Elizabeth, who slept while Paige gently rocked. her in her arms. “There’s nothing like babies,” Tara said, which gave Tabitha a slight jolt. I put my arm around her and told her that everything was going to be okay. “I know, Elmer, and I’m so happy for you and Blake, because you two are going to be great parents,” Tabitha replied. Paige handed Elizabeth to her and Tabby sat down and held my baby while wearing a gentle smile. “This is so great,” my grown daughter said. “You really did it this time, Daddy.” “Most of the credit goes to Blake,” I replied. “Yeah, I guess she did a little something,” Paige said. “Putting up with Elmer in the labor and delivery rooms was the hardest part,” my wife replied. “I wasn’t that bad,” I protested. “I can say “push” as good as anybody, baby,” Blake rattled off; mocking me, which got laughs from the three women. “Did he really say that,” Paige asked. “Yes, he also said that he felt helpless because he wasn’t in the middle of the action. I thought the nurses were going to slap him,” Blake said. “Daddy.” “I was trying to help.” “You’re taking in the gut for us, baby,” my wife then mocked. “When he said that, Elaine slapped the back of his head, which was gratifying.” “I didn’t know what to say,” I pleaded. “I told you to shut up I don’t know how many times, but you kept running that mouth of yours. Rene finally told him that she was going to have him tranquilized if he didn’t shut up,” Blake replied with a big smile. ‘She was no-nonsense,” I added. “Rene’s great, and I’m so glad she’s my doctor. I never thought I would say that, but there’s no denying that she’s a great doctor.”

Bob and Bruce showed up and made a big fuss over Elizabeth. “She’s beautiful, Scragg, but she’s going to look like Blake, which is a good thing,” the old dog said. “I hope so,” I replied. “Your life has changed for the better, buddy, which is already pretty damn good. You know what you have to do,” my best friend added. “I’m going to do everything I can to give her what she needs to succeed in life. I just want her to be a happy, healthy girl who knows she’s loved. Blake wants the same thing for her, so we’re ready to make it happen for her,” I replied. “I’m starving,” Blake said. “I’m glad some things never change,” I quipped, which got me a scolding look from my wife. “I can hit you now,” she said. “What do you want to eat,” I asked. “Anything.” “Bruce and I will bring something back,” Bob said.

I got the best crew in the world.

Elizabeth Arrives 882

“You’re such an idiot! There’s no way you could go to Hell because Satan would kick you out of there for being obnoxious,” Blake hollered at me while Elizabeth took her time coming out. “You want me to leave,” I asked. “No, you asshole, I want you to stop being a full-fledged moron!” “Okay, I just limit my verbage to “push,” I replied, which cracked up everyone in the delivery room. “He really can’t help it,” my wife said in exasperation, but with a smile. “This is so great that I can’t keep my mouth shut, but I’ll try. I’m so full of..” “Shit, so just keep holding my hand,” Blake finished, which brought more chuckles to the staff.

Blake is a real trooper.

Twenty hours after labor started, Elizabeth was ready to join the world. “Here she comes, baby,” I screamed. “Oh my God, this is incredible! Keep pushing, baby, she’s almost here,” I continued. Blake gave it all she had, and Elizabeth Marie Scraggy entered the world.

She’s so beautiful.

I left the room, so the staff could tend to Blake and the baby. I walked out to the waiting area and saw the gang all there. Everyone cheered and gave me a pat on the back and hugs. “I’m glad that’s done because the staff was about to toss me out the window,” I said. “Let’s take a seat,” Bob suggested. I sat down with Paige beside me. “This is great, Daddy, little Elizabeth is in for the ride of her life,” she said. “Yes, and so am I. I don’t want her to ever know what I did growing up, but I want her to be strong,” I replied before realizing that if she’s strong, she won’t know what I did. “She’s got a great start, buddy,” Bruce said. “That she does.”

They finally brought Elizabeth out to the nursery, and everyone looked at her and smiled. “She’s beautiful,” Tabitha said. “Look at those big eyes,” Tara commented. “My little sister,” Paige said. “Three against one,” she added. “Don’t I know it,” I replied. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

This moment defies anything that I could have imagined when I journeyed out to Kansas. My best case scenario had me working at small shop toiling away for low pay and a roof over my head. I had myself living a few years before my shitty past caught up with me and I would die peacefully in my sleep. Now, I have everything I could want and more. I now pray everyday to God to keep my family safe and to keep me alive, so I can see my children make their mark on the world.

What more could I ask for?

Waiting For Baby Elizabeth 881

I didn’t want to be the frantically hapless husband who says and does stupid shit while his wife is in labor, but it didn’t take long for me to play that role, in fact, I started uttering asinine comments before Blake was even in the labor room. “Hang in there, baby, you’re doing great,” I said as the nurses wheeled her up. “Man, I bet you’re ready for this,” I continued while my wife and two nurses ignored me. “Wow, this is going to be great. I bet you never had an adventure like this,” I rambled on. “Blake, you’re the woman.” “Elmer,” my wife softly said. “Yes, baby?” “Shut up!” The two nurses laughed while Blake gave me a scornful look. “I was trying to pump you up for what’s ahead,” I replied like an idiot. “What did I tell you?” “Come on, baby, this is great.” “Elmer.” “I’m here for you, sweetie.” “Shut up before I stand up and kick you straight in the nuts!” “You go girl,” one of the nurses said. “Sorry, baby, I’m just trying to your cheerleader,” I replied, which made all three women roll their eyes.

I’m not doing too good.

“Can you make him shut up,” Blake asked the nurses. “Shut up, Elmer, and be the silent helpless idiot we all know you can be,” the older nurse said as we finally reached the labor room. “Go make some calls and then come back,” she ordered as they wheeled Blake in. “And come back acting like you have some sense,” my wife barked.

I haven’t done anything right so far, but give me time.

I called Bob, who told me to keep my head on straight. “You’re not in charge, so don’t act like it,” he said. “Gotcha, I’ve already been chewed out a few times already,” I replied. “I then called Kevin, who told me to take care of business there. “We got it covered at the restaurant. I’ll tell Brie to call everyone a school,” my partner replied. “Thanks, buddy,” I said. I then called Tara, who squealed with joy. “She’s finally going to be here,” Little Mama exclaimed. “I’ll call Tabby,” she said. I then called Paige, who was overcome with emotion. “My little sister has finally arrived,” she said through the tears. “She doesn’t know how lucky she is, Daddy.” “I’ll see you when you get back,” I replied. ‘We’re leaving early in the morning to get back,” Paige replied. “Baby, enjoy the rest of your time up there.” “Daddy, we’ll be home as soon as possible.” “Drive carefully, and please don’t rush.” “We’ll be careful, Daddy.”

I couldn’t think of anyone to call, so I headed back to the labor room.

I walked in the room and saw Rene, who gave me a smile. “She’s doing fine, but she’s in no mood for jokes, so go easy or get your head bitten off,” she told me. “You mean I still have a head,” I joked. “It’ll be a while, so relax the best you can and be there for Blake.” “I will, Rene, and thanks for everything. There is one thing: this baby is a tad early, which has me concerned.” “Everything is going well, Elmer, just keep your cool.”

There’s a novel idea.

I took a seat next to Blake and did my best to keep her company. Blake was slightly more pleasant than a pissed-off rattlesnake, so I treaded lightly. “You’re doing great, baby,” I said, hoping that wouldn’t rile her up–it did. “Shut up,” she barked. “It’s okay, I know what you’re going through,” I replied. “How the hell would you know you worthless he-thing,” Blake snarled. Damn, come to think of it, the pissed-off rattlesnake has nothing on Blake at the moment. “What can I say that won’t piss you off,” I pleaded. “Just shut up,” my wife growled. I took Blake’s hand and hunkered down.

Two hours passed, then four, then six. I wanted to desperately for our baby to arrive, but I knew I had no control over that. Blake had grown agitated to the point where I worried her head might do a 360 and spit green shit in my face. “Get away from me for a while,” she snapped. “Baby, it going to be fine,” I replied. “I know it is, now get away from me!” “Baby,” I pleaded. The nurse guided me out of the room and told me to take a break. “She’ll be fine, but she’s in pain and needs a break from you. Go get something to eat and come back later,” the stern nurse said as she pushed me out the door. “Thank God,” I heard another one say when I was out of sight.

I guess I am an asshole.

I walked out to the waiting area and saw Tara sitting in a chair. She immediately sprung up when she saw me and gave me a big hug. “This is so great, Elmer,” she exclaimed. “Yes it is,” I agreed. “How’s Blake doing?” “She’s had abate of me for now, but I’m hoping she’ll calm down in a spell. If she doesn’t, it’s no big deal, so I’m good either way.” “Don’t worry about it, you know it’s just the situation,” Little Mama replied. “I appreciate you coming up here,” I told her. “I want to be here. Rory is working tomorrow, so everything is covered.” ‘What about Milt?” “He’s fine, and he told Rory that he needed to work.” “Okay, I’m not going to worry about that now.”

A few minutes later, a nurse came and got me. “Blake wants you with her, so do what she wants and provide her comfort,” she instructed me. “I’ll do my best,” I replied. “That wasn’t good enough last time, but maybe you’ve learned something,” the nurse snipped.

Please, Baby Elizabeth, get here asap.

Elizabeth Is Coming 880

   I saw images of downtown McSwain from the early ’70′s, and began to talk about feeling helpless in a small southern town where economic mobility was a concept I couldn’t yet comprehend. I then saw a picture of one of the trailer parks we lived in, and talked about being engulfed in moral decay. Footage of the Cape Fear River made me recall my foolish years as a clueless teenager. Pictures of people I’ve long forgotten about began to pop up, and my life began to take shape on the screen.

How did I ever survive?

As the past came back on film, I thought about all the nonsense I put myself through for no other reason than ignorance. Suddenly, the project didn’t seem like a good idea. “Why did I do all that crazy shit,” I said aloud. “It doesn’t matter now, Scragg, because you finally made it,” Seth replied. “I had a baby I didn’t know about. I had people who loved me, but I didn’t heed their advice. I was a fuck-up, Seth.” “Don’t look at it that way, Scragg, it all turned out good. Regret is something we all live with, so take solace that you’re doing what you need to now. I’m not trying to sound philosophical, it’s just something everybody goes through,” the director said.

Words of wisdom from a man who makes his living in make-believe.

I could see what Seth is doing, but I had trouble imagining my life story filling up two hours on the screen or television. I know much of the film will be me singing my songs and concert footage, which would make it a long music video. “You really think anyone is going to interested in an obscure singer,” I asked the director. “Yes, Scragg, and you’re hardly obscure,” Seth replied. “Most people don’t know who I am,” I shot back. “Just leave that up to me,” Seth said.

I spent six hours yakking while watching footage of the places I’ve been. Seth asked me to come back tomorrow, and I told him it would have to be in the evening, which was fine with him. I still have trouble believing that any of the shit is real, but I’ll take Seth’s advice today and just go along with it and be thankful for what I have now.

It’s kind of fucked up, however.

I got back to the house and found Blake sitting on the couch. She told me Rory called to say that Milt is out of the hospital. “That’s great, I probably should give him tomorrow off to stay with Milt.” “Kevin also called and said that he feels fine and is going into work tomorrow. I think Brie is ready to get him out of the house, so it’s covered,” my wife replied. “Okay, I guess it is,” I said. “How did the narration go,” Blake asked. “I guess okay, Seth was satisfied, which is the important thing. I can’t imagine who’ll the audience for this film will be, but Seth told me to let him worry about that, so I’m going to do just that.”

Blake smiled and then gave me a funny look.

“You okay,” I asked. “Yeah, I think so,” she replied. “What’s wrong, baby?” “Oh God, here it comes,” she replied. “Here what comes?” “The baby!”

Oh shit.

Drowning In Obscurity 879

Seth called me shortly after I arrived at the house to tell me that I needed to do some narration as soon as possible. “Okay, just tell me where you want me to talk,” I said. “I’m going to show you what we’ve done so far, which I think you’ll like. I want you to talk like you normally do, and when I show you the clips you’ll know what to say,” the director replied. “Let me know when you need this, Seth.” “How about tomorrow?” “What time?” “Is noon good?” “Where?” “At Chase’s studio.” “I’ll be there.” “It’s going to be great, Scragg,” Seth said with confidence. “I’m sure it will.” “I understand that you don’t really know what’s going on, but when you see this you’ll be very happy.” “Seth, I have all the confidence in the world in you, so just do your thing and I’ll do what I can to make it this project a success,” I replied.

I told Blake what Seth told me, and she smiled. “I guess this movie is going to get done,” she replied. “Looks that way, which will be cool, but kinda weird, too. I know understand why Kilburn was so agitated about that crap with Erby,” I said. “The Club Jack’s scumbag,” my wife asked. “That would be him.” I told her what Jerry told me, and Blake’s pretty face grimaced in disgust. “He’s a real creep, Elmer,” she scoffed. “I know he is, but Kevin and I had nothing to do with this, so while I hate being associated with him in any way, I’m not going to apologize for anything, in fact, I’m not even talking about that album anymore. Alvin Erby is a criminal, and the law will deal with him. What he did has nothing to do with the album.” “I agree, but there are going to be people who don’t see it that way,” my wife replied. “Of course, and those people are just going to have to deal with it by either ignoring me or running their mouths until everyone is sick of them. I’m cool either way.”

It’s time to move on.

Blake told me that Esther looked up Johnny Style today and found some interesting facts about him. “She was a big fan of his band, so she was excited to learn that he asked you for your help. Did you know he was a valedictorian?” “I sure didn’t,” I replied. “Did you know that he’s innovative with electronics?” “Didn’t know that either.” “Did you know that he recorded an album of Broadway tunes?” “What,” I said. “He also did a country album that was embarrassing,” Blake said. “Great.” “And a techno album,” Blake continued. “So he made albums according to the trend,” I said. “It looks like it. Esther played some of the tunes and they were awful. He’s got a nice voice, but he sounds ridiculous. It’s a shame when stars try to stay young or hip because they always humiliate themselves,” my wife commented. “That is true, but it never seems to stop them from diving in. Well, I suppose he could do a rap album.” “That would be something,” Blake replied.

Every entertainer eventually has to deal with the dimming of their star, it’s just part of the game. The grim history of fleeting fame has been documented many times over, which should serve as a cautionary tale for those aspiring to be in the spotlight, but everyone thinks they’ll be the rare artist who escapes fame’s wrath. I suppose it needs to be that way, but it’s nonetheless painful to watch someone drown in obscurity when they once dominated the stage.

Such is life.

Scumbag Of The Year 878

Kilburn called me just as I was leaving the restaurant for the day. I knew by the sound of his voice that the news wasn’t good. “Well, Scragg, Alvin Erby was arrested last night on numerous charges, but the most serious is rape and kidnapping. Apparently he’s messing with underage girls and doing all kinds of nasty stuff. He’s been spouting off your name, as well as Kevin’s. You guys aren’t in any trouble, but this is a real embarrassing situation, and there are groups out there who are besmirching both of your names. This shit has to stop, Scragg, because it’s not representative of who you are or what you do, but there’s enough people who think that you and Kev are perverts. I’m not telling you to disown the album because I know you can’t, but you can put this behind you by saying that you condemn Erby’s actions and disowning him,” the lawyer said. “I have no contact with that asshole, Jerry,” I replied. “I know, but he did write liner notes for your album, which makes it look like you do. The scumbag has been using the album to promote his business, which is why he agreed to let you release without any compensation, so it’s just a shitty situation involving a real shithead. I rather suspect they’ll be more charges, so this will drag on. I would like to see that album taken off the market, but it’s making Port City Records money, so they don’t give a fuck, but maybe if your album with Paige sells, they’ll see the benefit of dropping that filthy piece of trash,” my lawyer continued. “The album does have some musical merit,” I replied, albeit weakly. “Jesus Christ, Scragg, people aren’t listening to the innovative guitar playing, they’re listening to you sing about tits, dicks, and bizarre sex acts. The album is an affront to decency, and you know it. Just because you quote Plato in a fuck flick, doesn’t make it socially redeeming, and it’s the same thing with that album, so cut the shit and admit this was a major fuck-up on all of us,” Kilburn snapped. “You’re right, Jerry, so you want me to condemn Erby’s behavior and let the album run it’s course,” I asked. “Yes, no more interviews about it, no more talking about it, and no more promoting it in any way. You have too much going for you to let this filthy scumbag sully it.” “Have a nice weekend, Jerry,” I said. “Yeah,” the prick scoffed before clicking off.

I got to the house and surfed the web for more information about Erby’s arrest. I found out that he has an extensive criminal record, which includes a prison stint for assault with a deadly weapon and drug violations. He was also charged twice for statutory rape, but managed to escape doing any time. I also learned that he was charged beating his ex-wife, but that charge was dropped when she moved away and refused to cooperate. Everything about Alvin Erby screams “scumbag” and Kilburn is right when he said that I need to condemn this asshole.

There’s no such thing as easy money.