The Power Of Persistence 1029

Kevin’s cell went off while he was performing his stunt driving in traffic. I held on for dear life as he weaved in and out with reckless disregard. “Okay, I think we’re only a few blocks away, so we’ll stop in,” he said to the person on the other end. He clicked off and continued his hair-raising driving. “I won’t miss this,” I hollered as he barely missed obliterating us. “We’re going to check out a club called Foster’s and Foote, it’s a trendy joint that has given us the stage if we want it,” my partner said as I prayed that I wouldn’t end up in the emergency room. “When is this supposed to take place,” I asked. “Tonight,” Kevin replied. “Damn, when we getting home,” I asked. “Let’s just do this, Scragg, we’re hot now.”

I want to go home.

We arrived at the club and talked with the manager who told us to come in tonight and take the stage as long as we wanted it. “You guys are smoking, so do your thing and we’ll work out the details,” the manager said. “You have a sound system, which is all we need. Just mention his book and CD’s, and we’ll call it even,” my partner said. “That’s even better,” the manager said. “Great, we’ll see you tonight,” Kevin said.

Chase called as we left the club. I could tell he was excited, which meant that something big happened. “WWBA, the rock station up there just got selected songs from the movie soundtrack, so be on the listen for them. They got “Blank Eyes” “You’re Not Gonna Make It” and “Low-End Cadillac” This shit is taking off, Scragg, so work it for what it’s worth,” the blue-blood said. “What about coming home,” I said. “Leave Saturday, I think Kev has something planned for you tomorrow.” “I’m sure he does.” “Your song’s up next, so turn it to the station,” Chase screamed. Kevin turned up the radio and pulled over. He blasted the sound and “Low-End Cadillac” came roaring from the speakers. A hard-rock tune with an extended solo, I forgot how wicked the tune was and I couldn’t help but get into the spirit. “Holy shit, this song fucking rocks,” Kevin exclaimed. After the song played, The DJ praised the song. “Now that’s what I call rock and roll. This guy is floating around town somewhere, so if you hear me, Scragg, give me a call.” Kevin called the station and told him who he was. He handed me the phone and I talked “The Blade” the DJ, who just got done extolling my song. “Scragg Man, how’s it going, buddy,” he said. “Hanging in there, Blade, I called, now what’s the deal?” “How about coming in tomorrow for an interview?” “How about that sounds great,” I replied. “And how about you tell your listeners that we’ll be at Foster’s and Foote tonight.” “We’ll do, but you gotta bring that guitar with you tomorrow.” “You know it, Blade.” “Cool, see you tomorrow, Scragg.”

Man, things are moving fast.

Kevin and I got something to eat at a deli that had the best subs in the world. My cell went off and it was Gloria, who called to congratulate me on the success of “Ain’t It Fine.” I then told her about “Low-End Cadillac” and she laughed. “I can only imagine what that’s about.” “It rocks, and we’ll be at Foster’s and Foote tonight, so stop in if you can.” “I might do that.” “Hey, Gloria,” I said. “Yes, Scragg?” “Thanks.” The feminist lawyer took a moment before responding. “You’re welcome, Scragg Man, and good luck.”

We got back to the hotel and got ready for another night of playing. Kevin got a call and I could hear his voice become animated. “That’s great, and tell them we really appreciate it,” he said before clicking off. “We’re going electric tonight, a punk band called The Spikes, have offered to let us use their equipment,” he said. “Cool.” “Yeah, so we can rock out. A bassist would be nice, but a two-man band can get a lot done,” my partner continued. I laughed and began to go through the playlist in my head. “The owner of the club is friends with the band and they want to hear some rock tonight, so our persistence has paid off again,” Kevin went on.

Persistence does eventually payoff.

Better Than The Big Time 1028

I called Blake, before Kevin and I headed to The Morning Show studio. “You have to watch the show today because I’m performing on it,” I said to my groggy wife. “That’s great, baby, I’ll tell everyone else,”she replied. “How is everything going up there?” “It’s been great, I’ve sold a lot of books and things have gone better than I could have imagined. I guess we’ll head home shortly. I can’t imagine anything else I can do.” “There’s always something for you to do, Elmer.” “I want to get home, so look for me soon.” “I will, and behave,” my wife warned. “You know I will, I’m a respectable man now.” “I’ve heard that before.” ‘How’s my baby doing?” “She’s fine, and so is Paige.” “Okay, now don’t forget to watch.” “I’m turning on the television now,” Blake replied.

We got to the studios and were greeted by one of the show’s producers. I asked about Dan and Amy, and they told me that they had moved on. “I was here just last week. Did they get jobs?” “The young man shrugged and told us to follow him. He took us to a small room where another young man told us what would be happening. We would hit the studio at eight and play “Ain’t It Fine” and then that would be it. “No interview or anything,” I asked. “Sorry, Scragg Man, but we’re on a story about a potential terror threat, so we’re tight this morning.” “Okay, I sure appreciate this,” I replied. The young man patted me on the shoulder and walked out of the room. “I guess we’re lucky to get this air time,” I said. “Very lucky, Scragg, this shit doesn’t happen, but it seems to for you. Let’s just focus on the song and make sure we hit it perfect,” my partner replied. “We’ll do that,” I declared.

At eight, Mike and Monica introduced me and I performed my song that has created so much buzz in the city. After I performed it, we we’re ushered off the set and that was it. I asked the producer how it went and he gave me thumbs up. “We love you, Scragg, and I hope you’re on again soon. We have your contact number, so be prepared to hear from us,” he replied before scurrying off.

I guess it went well.

Kevin suggested we cruise the city before heading home, so we did just that. I felt at ease even though I knew I was out of my element. I enjoyed the sights, but my partner’s daredevil driving was nerve-wracking. “Shit, you’re going to kill us,” I screamed. “Ya gotta be aggressive in the city,” he replied like an idiot. My cell rang and I saw that it was a New York number. I answered it and it was Laura Hillman, owner of The Bard’s Corner. “Scragg, I just got another shipment of your books in and I was wondering if you could have another signing session. I also ordered more copies of your albums, which are selling briskly. I saw you on The Morning Show, and I was just thinking…” “We’ll be there, Laura, that’s if Kevin doesn’t kill us on the way over.” “I have faith in his ability to get you here safely,” the book lady replied.

I’m not so sure.

We got to The Bard’s Corner, to a rousing reception. I immediately began signing copies and chatting with the customers. I then noticed a poster for the movie about me on the wall. “Who sent you the poster,” I asked Laura. “A man named Kilburn, who said that he was so touched by my enthusiasm that he wanted to do a little extra. It came yesterday with the books and CD’s. I can’t wait to see it,” she replied. “That’s great, it looks like they set you up nicely.” “This has been so great and I told them that you were a joy to deal with. Mr. Kilburn echoed my feelings about you,” she continued. I almost choked, but managed a smile. Kevin, too, maintained his composure.

Once again, Laura had sold out of books, which made both of our day. I was ready to thank her when she walked around the corner and pulled out a Martin guitar and asked me to play a couple of songs. I tuned the beautiful instrument and played a few songs for the remaining customers who really got into it. I was about to hand the guitar back, but decided on a few more songs, which delighted Laura. As usual, what was supposed to be a short gig turned into a long one, but I didn’t mind because I was having so much fun. “This is great and I’ll make sure that you get copies of the soundtrack,” I said to Laura. “Oh, I’m already taking advance orders. I talked to a women named Amber, who said that she couldn’t be any happier about how things went up here. You have a very nice management team,” she added. “Well, it looks like you got it together better than me,” I replied. “It was Kevin, who arranged this for me, Scragg.” I looked at my partner and gave him a high-five. “That’s why he’s my partner,” I replied. I went to hand her back her guitar, but she waved me off. “Keep it, you know what to do with it,” Laura said. “Ma’am, this is a Martin guitar, one of the finest in the world, so I just can’t take it.” “Yes you can, and please don’t insult me by offering me money because I want you to have it.” I was overwhelmed, so I just gave the book lady a hug. “You’re awesome, Laura, and I hope I see you again,” I said. “That would be nice, Scragg, and remember you have a friend in New York City,” she replied. “This is better than the big time,” I said. Laura smiled and winked. “And I know you mean that,” she replied.

It’s the truth.

Spinning A Web 1027

The morning came too early, but after a shower and cup of coffee I was good to go. We headed off to The Book Marker for the last signing of the trip. When we arrived there, Kevin and I set up and spoke with the manager, a young man named Keith, who seemed indifferent about my appearance. Kevin wandered the store while I waited for people to buy my book. After twenty minutes of no activity, I began to worry that my luck had run out. “This is a little slower this morning,” my partner commented as he walked by me. “I just hope someone stops,” I replied. A couple of elderly men walked past me and then made an about-face. “What’s up,” one of them asked. I told them who I was and they seemed interested. “So you finally got your shit together,” the other man said. “I reckon, Sir,” I replied. “Well, I guess I need to support someone who has the drive to write a book about how much of a fuck up he was until he saw the light,” he said. He went and purchased the book and I signed it. “I sure appreciate the business, Sir,” I said. “Keep straight and it all be fine,” he replied. Another elderly gentlemen walked up with a book in hand and I signed it. I tried to make conversation with him, but he merely smiled and scooted off.

Then, the business came.

Kevin was stunned when he saw the line of people waiting for me to sign their copies. Most of the people in line were women who gave me smiles. “Wow, I was beginning to think that no one liked me,” I said. My partner rolled his eyes as I flattered an elderly lady who was flirting with me. A young lady wearing a backpack handed me her book and then broke out laughing. “Am I that funny looking,” I said. “No, Sir, it’s just that I heard one of your songs you did at Jezebel’s last night before I heard some of the Club Jack album. You’re at home no matter the venue,” she replied. “You have to be flexible in this world,” I said. “Flesh Valley,” she said before walking off with a chuckle. “I was at the show last night and I must say that you were terrific,” the next lady in line said. “Your songs are so beautiful, but what’s up with that live album recorded in a topless bar,” she asked. “Bad judgement, Ma’am, I wish I could blame it on something else, but I can’t. I didn’t know it was a topless bar, but that’s a moot point now.” “So you’re not a pig?” “I don’t know, that damn farmer who lives near me is always giving me a sinister eye,” I replied. The young lady looked at me and then laughed. “You’re crazy, Scragg Man,” she said.

A news crew then walked in and began filming me while I signed books.

As people waited in line, a reporter walked up to them and asked them questions. I knew she was asking them questions about me, but I wanted to hear what they said, so I sent Kevin out to investigate. The reporter, a young lady of Asian descent, gave him a wary eye as he hovered near her. “Hey, Scragg, the news is here,” I heard someone say. “Bring’em on, I’m ready to confess,” I replied, which got me laughs. “Is my partner getting the scoop or just lurking about like a wanted man who ain’t wanted,” I added. “Thanks, Scragg, I’m trying to help,” Kevin replied. “The last time you did that I made an album in a topless bar while you danced the night away,” I shot back. “Oh my God, its Creepy Kev,” a woman blurted out. “Good job, Scragg,” my partner groaned. “He’s safe, ladies, I gave him his Thorazine shot this morning.” Laughs filled the line and the young reporter began asking Kevin questions.

I hope he keeps it clean.

“How’s Loretta,” I heard someone say. “She’s doing well,” I replied. “Mawkey Park, ’83,” the woman continued. “I remember it well.” “You should, you were the only one who could play.” The woman finally reached me and I signed her copy. She gave me a funny look before laughing. “I was stationed at Bragg, then, so I headed over there to see you guys. Loretta could sure cuss if nothing else. I remember you as a bearded wild man who could  guitar like no one I ever heard. It’s been a long time,” she said. “Yes it has.” She walked away wearing a smile and then turned around. “You’ll regret it later on, so stop it now,” she said before walking away.

I remember her now.

I finished signing books and decided I to move around. The reporter who came earlier walked up to me and introduced herself as Samantha Lu, of The Morning Show. “Oh, now I recognize you, Ma’am, you do the street report,” I said. “Right, and I would like to ask you a few questions if I could.” “Ask them.” Ms. Lu asked me general questions, which I answered honestly. After a few minutes of free publicity, she then asked if I would be interested in performing “Ain’t It Fine” on the show tomorrow morning. “Yeah, I guess that would be great,” I said. “He’ll be there,” Kevin assured. “Great, see you tomorrow,” the reporter said.

As we headed back to the hotel, I asked Kevin what was the deal with that song. “It’s seems really popular here,” I said. “It’s viral, Scragg, it’s everywhere on the web.” “Damn.” “And so are we,” my partner added. “Is that good or bad?” “It’s good this time, Scragg.”

I reckon there’s more than one way of spinning a web.

Jezebel’s 1026

We arrived at Jezebel’s, a small upscale nightclub, which looked to be in dire need of customers. The owner, Brooke Deleon, smiled as we walked in. “Oh, you own this place,” I said, remembering her from Zazzie’s. “That’s why I was able to give you the stage. Most of our entertainment isn’t top-notch, so this is a real treat. I would asked, however, that you play the songs you did at the bookstore because I know my customers will love them,” she replied. “Okay, but all I have is an acoustic guitar, so it won’t be loud,” I said. “I have mics, and you two look like you know what to do.” “We’ll work it out,” Kevin said. “We’ll get ready whenever you like,” I said. “I told everyone I know that The Scragg Man is here, so I hope they start coming in,” Ms. Deleon, said. “I can really use the business.”

It didn’t take long for the place to fill up, especially when Brooke had her staff put homemade signs up outside saying that I was here. Kevin finished setting up and told me to do my thing. The crowd waited for a few minutes and then we took the small stage. “Good evening, I’m The Scragg Man, and I’m here at Jezebel’s to play you some songs–all originals. I’m going to get started with one called “Ain’t It Fine.” I hope you enjoy it.” I began to play the tune and everyone got quiet. I wondered why the silence, but I played as if I was performing in a stadium. I finished the song and smiled. The crowd let a loud cheer and I knew it would be a fun night. “Let the fun begin,” I hollered as I went into “Pretty Eyes” followed by “Everyday Is Another Chance.” The vibe was lively and lighthearted, which made it easy to play. I just kept playing songs that I thought the crowd would like. “Everyone having a good time,” I asked. The crowd cheered and asked me to keep playing. I went into an instrumental that seemed to please everyone followed by a couple of songs off “Long Way Ago.” Kevin kept a rock solid beat the drum pad and woodblock, and the show had a special feel to it. Sometimes doing things on the fly gets the best results.

We took a break to get hydrated. I had a coke and Kevin had a beer. We mingled with the crowd and they took pictures of us. Gloria, who said she would show up, but I didn’t think she would, laughed it up with us as she told her friends about our conversation in the park. “All is forgiven, Scragg, just keep playing,” she exclaimed. “Everyone here needs to tell people they know about us, so post those pictures, videos, and tell them about my book,” I replied. The crowd cheered as I returned to the stage to play some more.

We closed the bar and I thanked Brooke Deleon, for the chance to play in New York City. “I can say that I did a concert in The Big Apple, which is something I can tell my grandkids,” I said. “You’ll play New York again, Scragg, and I would like to thank you for being so generous with your music. I know we’re both trying to make it and times aren’t getting any better, but tonight was special,” she replied. “Just tell everyone about me and I’ll do whatever I can to promote your business.” “It was a blast, Ma’am, and I saw people taking pictures and video of us, which they’ll post. This should help both us,” Kevin added.

Kevin and I headed back to the hotel and showered up before crashing. I was going to take a look at the New York skyline, but I drifted off to sleep before I could muster the energy to walk to the window.

It was a hard day’s work that ended better than I could have imagined.

Dinner With Gloria 1025

Gloria took us to a small Greek restaurant that had terrific gyros. As we ate, she made pleasant conversation, which kept me on edge. “You have any signings tomorrow,” she asked. “Yes at The Book Marker,” Kevin replied. “That’s a pretty big store, you should do well.” “I hope so. What’s Jezebel’s like,” I asked. “It’s a nice place; it’s mainly professional women, so beware,” Gloria replied. “Of course, after what I saw today, that shouldn’t matter.” “Just trying to keep it lively.” “Are those songs you sang off your upcoming album?” “No, they’re off an album that’s never been released.” “Perhaps you should release it.” “That’ll be down the road; we just finished up an album.” “The women really liked it,” the feminist said. “I saw that and I’m very appreciative of the reception I got, but I need to focus on one project at a time.” That’s why you have three going at once,” Gloria countered. “I know, but that’s going to change after this.” “You’re a trip, Scragg Man, but that’s part of your charm.” “What do you do for a living,” I asked. “I’m a lawyer,” Gloria replied with a sly smile. “Criminal,” I asked. “Civil, and I do okay. I’m passionate about my beliefs, but I’ve learned there’s a price for that. I know I’m doing the right thing, so the hassles are worth it. I’m discouraged about what I see everyday and I try to tell young women that you have to understand the sacrifices of those who came before them to truly appreciate what they have now, but many of them just take it for granted. I’m also disgusted about the state of television and the media in general. I know they’re only spewing out what sells, but it seems that they could raise the bar,” Gloria replied. “It all starts at home,” I replied. “I know.” “Focus on the change that will make the biggest impact,” I continued. “What’s that?” “You have children, Ms. Livingstone?” “No.” “Then you try to impact those closest to you.” “I’m trying, Scragg Man.” “Then you’re doing good.”

Gloria Livingstone has spent her life fighting for causes she believes in only to find that not everyone shares her passion. I also detected a serious case of loneliness, which can be devastating. I’m not saying she needs a man, but she needs something in her life besides her work. It’s not hard to see that she’s a loving and caring person who would do anything for her friends and family, which sometimes comes at the expense of her needs. I didn’t want to say anything to upset the delicate balance, but she made it easy with her next question. “You think I’m a naive woman fighting a pointless cause,” she asked. “No, and why would you ask me that if you weren’t doubting yourself,” I replied. The lawyer blinked and then attempted to regain her composure. “I was just asking a question.” “You wouldn’t have asked that if you didn’t have doubt.” “You always this difficult?” “Why am I being difficult?” “I just asked a question.” “And I gave you my answer,” I replied. “Gloria, you’re lonely, so just admit it and do something about it,” I added. She gave me a stunned look before hanging her head. “You need something else in your life besides your work,” I said. “I know that and I’m working on it.” “Okay, I hope you find it.” “Do you think a woman needs a family to be happy,” she asked. “No, not if they don’t want one, but everyone needs something besides work. This isn’t a feminist issue, Gloria, it’s a mental health one.” “Tell it like it is, Scragg,” Gloria replied. “Listen, come to Jezebel’s tonight and have a good time. No, it’s not going to change your ways, but at least you won’t be stuck at home or in the office. I don’t want to fight, I just want to entertain people and then go back to my family. That’s what I’m about.” The feminist lawyer smiled. “That about says it all,” she replied. “So, what’s it like living in this jungle of a city,” I asked. “I wouldn’t live anywhere else,” Ms. Livingstone replied. “What’s it like living in North Carolina?” “It’s home, but so was Kansas,” I replied.

We then talked about the Mets and Yankees.

Zazzie’s 1024

After a quick bite to eat, we headed to Zazzie’s, another independent bookstore, that specializes in non-fiction. We arrived at the humble little store and were greeted by its owner, Yvonne Welders, a short middle-aged woman with glasses and Dutch-boy haircut. “Hello, Scragg Man, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Sir. I talked to your publisher this morning and I told them that I was looking forward to meting you. I think you’ll find my store inviting. First thing, we’re not all lesbian, so don’t be intimidated by the number of women in the store. Men don’t come in much because they probably can’t read, but that’s not my problem,” Yvonne said with glimmer in her eye. “I understand, Ma’am, and I’m delighted to be at you store. Are you familiar with my music,” I asked. “Of course, I have all your CD’s, even the Club Jack one, which is the craziest thing I ever heard–and the funniest. I saw your encounter with Gloria, which was interesting. She’s here waiting for you, so you can get started,” the little lady said. “Sounds great,” I replied, hoping the signing wouldn’t turn contentious; but on second thought…”

I set up and the women began lining up to get their books signed. I chatted with them and cracked jokes, which they found funny. They were interested in my family life and my view on life in general. “I have everything I want, so you can say that I’m a satisfied man. My wife is a headmaster at a prep school, and she’s a lot smarter than I am, but that’s what makes our marriage work,” I said. “Nice try, Scragg, but we all know that you’re not some bumpkin who follows his wife’s orders,” I heard a familiar voice say.

It was Gloria Livingstone.

“Gloria, I thought you might be out performing verbal castrations on this fine day. What brings you here,” I asked. Everyone snickered, even Gloria, who tossed her book on the table. “Sign it,” she demanded. “Of course.” I signed her book and smiled. “I hope you enjoy it,” I said. “I read it last night,” she replied. “Great, how did you like it?” The feminist glowered at me for a few seconds before letting out a smile. “It’s a terrific read, Scragg, and I wish you much success with it.” “That’s it?” “Yes, I’ll refrain from caustic comments because the book is truly exceptional.” “I’ll take that, and thank you Ms. Livingstone.” “You’re welcome, Scragg Man.”

That was a pleasant surprise.

Yvonne played “Long Way Ago” in the store, which got the customers even more curious about me. Kevin pulled her aside and they walked in the back while I signed books. A few minutes later, they came walking back with my CD’s in boxes. Yvonne announced that the CD’s would be for sale at the counter. Several women walked up and purchased copies and asked if I would sign them, also. I told them to bring them on over. One women who purchased the Club Jack album smiled at Gloria, who gave her a sheepish look. “It’s for my brother, he’ll get a kick out of it,” she said. “I’m sure he will,” The feminist replied. “Yeah, he’s male, so he has a sense of humor,” I added, which made the women laugh. “Very funny, Scragg,” Gloria snipped.

Suddenly, “Ta-Ta’s Got My Ya-Ya Going Ga-Ga” came over the speakers.

“Oh God, you are crazy,” one woman said to Yvonne. “What the hell were you thinking,” Gloria said to me as I signed books and CD’s. “I wasn’t, which is why it turned out so well.” “Hey, Erby, you cocksucker, a fucking roach the size of a rat just crawled across my shoe. Oh wait, that must have been your cousin Leroy, who just escaped from the family farm at the landfill” “Fuck you, Scragg, your papa did a wild boar, and you came out.” “Yeah, well your father whacked off in a shithouse and his jizz mixed with some radiated rat eggs, and you were created.” “Good Lord,” I said as I listened to the bantering on the album I did with that scumbag, Erby. “Are you proud of yourself,” Gloria said, trying not to laugh as I called Erby, “a pud-pullin’ pole cat.” “I was just getting into the spirit,” I replied. “Shake that ass, Kev, and be the shameless twink you’ve always aspired to be,” I could be heard saying on the album. The store erupted in laughter and Gloria threw up her hands. “You’re insane,” she screamed at me. “I would play drums, but I’m having too much fun beatin’ my meat,” Kevin then said in an exaggerated effeminate voice, which caused a further uproar in laughter. Kevin shook his head in despair. “God, what came over me that night,” he said. “Those mics picked up everything,” he added. “It was meant to be,” I replied. Gloria Livingstone looked at the women in disbelief, but decided not to say anything.

My book sold out, which made my day. I packed up and was about to thank Yvonne and leave when Kevin handed me my guitar. “Let’s play a little,” he said. “Okay,” I said. I played “Ain’t It Fine” which the crowd loved. I followed it up with, “Don’t Let Me Leave” “Thinking Of You” “Sweet Refrain” and “A Little On The Tender Side.” I then finished up with “Pretty Eyes” and “Follow You To Paradise.” The crowd, all women, gave me a rousing applause. Yvonne hugged me and told me that I made her day. A women walked up and told me that if I wanted to play tonight to got to Jezebel’s, a nightclub down the street, that she would make sure I had the stage. Kevin said we would be there. Gloria then offered us dinner. “Wow, that’s a surprise,” I replied. “It’s a place I frequent,” she said. “Okay, let me pack up and we’ll go.”

Zazzie’s rocked–in a mellow way.

The Bard’ Corner 1023

Kevin and I arrived at The Bard’s Corner, an independent bookstore with a quaint feel, at nine. I spoke with its owner, Laura Hillman, a petite, bespectacled woman who looked to be in her late thirties. “Thank you so much for coming to my store, Mr. Scraggy, it’s really exciting to have you here,” she said in an excited voice. “Thank you for letting me come and hawk my book, Ma’am, and I hope I can drum up some business for you,” I replied. “That would be nice,” she replied. “Are you familiar with Scragg’s music,” Kevin asked. “Yes I am, and I find it very interesting. I’ve yet to purchase the albums, but I will,” Ms. Hillman replied. Kevin smiled and handed her “Long Way Ago” and “The Roads That Lead You Home” which pleased the store owner. “Thank you, Sir,” she replied, but I could tell she seemed a little confused. “Is there a problem, Ma’am?” “I thought you had three albums, Sir.” “He does, but that’s the Club Jack album, which has caused a lot of commotion, Ma’am,” Kevin replied. “Do you have a copy,” Ms. Hillman asked. “Yes, Ma’am,” Kevin said as he reached in his bad and handed the her a copy. Laura Hillman smiled. “I’m not a prude and I get what you guys did. Aren’t you the man who danced the night away,” she asked Kevin. “Yes I am, Ma’am.” “That must have been a wild night.” “It was that,” I replied. “I saw you had a conversation with Gloria Livingstone, yesterday at the park,” Ms. Hillman said. “Oh yeah, but it was civil and I think we cleared the air.” “She comes in here a lot, and I find her very pleasant. Well, I’ll let you guys set up.”

Here we go.

I was initially worried when there weren’t any customers, but shortly afterwards, people began to file in the store. Most of the customers were women, which had me worried, but I prepared myself for a rough go. I sat back in the chair and waited for someone to buy a book. A few minutes later, a young woman walked up with a book in hand. “Hello, young lady,” I said. “Scragg Man,” she said with a smile. “It’s a real pleasure to meet you,” she then said. “Pleasure’s all mine, Ma’am. I hope you enjoy the book and thank you for buying it,” I said as I signed her copy. “I bought your album yesterday,” the young lady said as I handed her back the book. “Which one,” I asked. “Live at Club Jack’s” my friends and I laughed all night. I don’t know how anyone could be offended, but some people just need a life.” “Wow, I figured you might slap me for that one,” I replied. “I have “Long Way Ago” but I’m having trouble finding the one you did with your daughter. I guess it’ll be in soon,” the young lady whose name is Naomi, said. I reached into Kevin’s bad and gave her a copy. “Don’t tell anyone, but you’re my first customer, so why not,” I said. “Thank you, Sir,” she replied. She opened it up and I signed it. “You really are cool,” she added.

Another young lady then came tot he table.

“Scragg Man, it’s a pleasure to meet a man who stands by his work while still being civil,” she greeted me. “Thank you, and I try to listen to everyone with an open mind,” I replied. “That’s great, and if you would, sign my copy in big letters,” the young lady said. “Your first name, Ma’am?” “Paige,” she replied. I smiled. “That’s my daughter’s name.” “I know, I need to pick up the album you did with her,” she said. Kevin handed her a copy. “Hey, thanks,” the girl named Paige, replied. “She’s very pretty,” she added. “She sure is,” I agreed. “You are cool, and keep up the great music,” the young lady with my daughter’s name said.

Three more women walked up to the desk.

I signed their copies and chatted with them before three more women walked up. I smiled as I saw a line forming. “Wow, it looks like I’m popular,” I joked. “Scragg Man, have you been in any topless bars, lately,” one of the women said. “No, I’ve learned my lesson,” I replied. “Your wife beat your ass?” “That and she put me on the rack, but took me off when I started liking it,” I quipped, which got me laughs.

I spent three hours at the bookstore and signed a bunch of books. I never imagined I could sell a book about my life to complete strangers, but that’s what I did. In fact, I sold every copy in the store.

Not a bad start.

I thanked Laura Hillman, who gave me a wink. I told your publishers that I would come through,” she said. “And you did, for which I am grateful.” “I hope you have as much success in the other stores,” she added. “It’ll be hard to top this, Ma’am, but I’m hopeful.” “There goes the notion you’re not popular with women, Scragg,” my partner said. “Yeah,” I replied, not thinking about what he said. “Ninety percent of the people who bought your book were women,” Kevin continued. “He’s right, Scragg Man,” Ms. Hillman said. “Wow, I guess women are smarter,” I replied. “Or men are mighty dumb,” I added. “Both,” the store owner replied.

She’s probably right.

Working It In New York City 1022

We ended out impromptu concert after a couple of hours of frantic playing and talking. The crowd gave us a roaring applause and we thanked them for taking the time to listen. Gloria Livingstone pretended to show disdain, but I could see that I at least got her to consider that I was more than an uncouth caveman. I handed her a copy of my book and told her that I appreciated her coming down to listen to me. “I thought one of your representatives said that you wouldn’t give me the time of day,” I asked her. She gave me a curious look before speaking. “It’s a shame that you had to release that album, Scragg Man, because you’re talented.” “I never said I had a whole lot of sense, so I’ll just accept who I am and go with it.” “And you’re perfectly satisfied with who you are?” “Yes, and considering where I came from, this is all gravy.” “And you think all feminists are humorless bitches who relish in making men’s lives miserable,” Ms. Livingstone said. “Not at all, I have two daughters and a very strong wife. I do everything I do for women, so don’t label me someone who had a grudge against the people who mean the most to me.” “I didn’t mean to be presumptuous.” “Ms. Livingstone, why don’t we just call a truce before any silly argument breaks out that makes us look foolish. I know you’re offended by that album, but in light of everything out there that’s considered crude and lewd, where does it rank,” I asked. “The point, Mr. Scraggy, is that you managed to offend a lot of people with that album, and we do have a right to protest it.” You sure do, Ms. Livingstone; just as I had a right to make it, so we’re back where we started.” “And you’ll use that argument to promote it,” the feminist replied. “Absolutely.” “At least you’re honest.” “I am that.” “So you’re saying not to protest your album because it’ll give it publicity?” “No, what I’m saying is that doing battle over something like this usually doesn’t end well for the protesters,” I replied. “Then why did you call us?” “Because I wanted publicity, and you took the bait. You’re using me, too, Ms. Livingstone.” The feminist leader’s face reddened from anger, but she kept her cool. “You’re dealing with a society that only pays lip serviced to your cause. All you have to do is turn on the television to verify that,” I added. “You like being a contrary, Mr. Scraggy?” “Why don’t you read my book and tell me what you think,” I replied. “I’ll do that.” “Good, I hope to see you again.” Gloria Livingstone walked off with the other members. Kevin laughed. “I wonder what she’ll write on the organization’s website,” he asked. “Hopefully, she’ll read the book and just say that I made a mistake in Kansas.” “You think it was a mistake?” “No, but I probably wouldn’t do it again.”

We headed back to the hotel to get cleaned up for dinner. Kevin wanted Italian food, so we hunted for a restaurant that looked authentic. We found one a few blocks from the hotel, which looked humble, but I’ve heard they’re the best places to eat. After we ordered, Kevin pulled out his iPad and scanned the net. He found what he was looking for after he typed in my name. “Damn, they already have videos up from today,” he said. “Oh God, your conversation with Gloria Livingstone, is posted online.” “On what site,” I asked. “It’s their site, which kinds surprises me,” Kevin replied. “Any comments?” “Not yet, but I’m sure there will be. There’s plenty of comments about our performance and it looks like they’re all positive.” “Cool, we’re working it right.”

That’s what you have to do in this crazy age.

Gloria Livingstone, I Presume 1021

We arrived in New York City, in the mid-afternoon, which made it fairly easy to navigate through traffic. We checked into our hotel and then took a break. I brought an acoustic guitar, and Kevin took a drum pad. I tuned up and began strumming. Kevin quickly found the beat and began pounding away. “Hold it,” he said. “Let me grab my woodblock.” “That ought to create a wild sound,” I replied. “Listen to this,” he said, as he began playing a complex pattern that I joined after getting the vibe. “Yeah,” Kevin declared. “Let’s go see the city, Scragg.”

Why the hell not.

I’ve heard that a tourist trying to navigate New York City by car is like a an amateur skipper attempting to cross the ocean, but my partner darted in and out of traffic and performed death-defying stunts like a seasoned cab driver. “It looks like you have a future in the cabbie industry,” I said as Kevin snaked his ways through Manhattan, with fearless determination. “Shit, this isn’t so tough, you just have to be half-crazy and not give a fuck,” he replied with a steely grin.

Oh shit.

Kevin found Central Park, and decided to take a look. “I’ve heard a lot about this place, so let’s do a little jamming here,” he said. We grabbed our stuff and headed into the park to find a suitable place to play. We found a patch of lawn and began to play whatever came to mind. I didn’t think anyone would take notice, but when three young women passed us, one of them stopped and said. “There’s that guy.” “What guy are you talking about,” I asked. “You’re The Scragg Man,” the pretty young lady said. “That would be me.” “Who’s the other guy,” another girl asked. “He’s Kev, my drummer, and a world-class dancer,” I replied. “Oh my God, it is them. You guys know that there’s a feminist group trying to castrate you,” the young women who first spoke said. “Yep, but how do you girls know that,” I asked. “You were on the news last week because that stupid show played your music. You then came to New York to promote yourself and you handed out a bunch of CD’s. You have anymore,” she asked. Kevin stopped and tossed the three girls copies of my three albums, which made them giggle with delight. “Now go drum us up a crowd, so we can make a splash,” my partner said. “How do we do that?” “Call that group who wants to castrate me,” I suggested. All three young women pulled out their cell phones and looked up The Women’s Forum of New York, and one called and said that I’m at Central Park. I played, “Just A Woman”, which obviously riled up the person on the other end. The young lady clicked off and laughed. “She said that you’re just an immature jerk looking for attention and the only publicity they’re going to give you is laugh when you go down in flames,” she said. “That’s fine, too,” I replied.

It didn’t matter because I accomplished what I set out to do, and besides, we now had a crowd.

I played songs to the enthusiastic crowd who cheered and clapped as Kevin and I jammed. I told everyone why I came to New York, which got me more applause. I bantered with the crowd more than I sang, and I felt the rush go through me. Then, a middle-aged women worked her way to the front with several other women and glowered at me.

I knew they were members The Women’s Forum of New York. “It looks like we have some real fans because they worked their way to the front, so why don’t you introduce yourself, ladies,” I said. “I’m Gloria Livingstone, the president of The Women’s Group of…” Yeah, of New York. I was about to say: Gloria Livingstone, I presume, but I had to put on my steel jock strap first,” I interrupted. Ms. Livingstone scowled while the crowd laughed. “You’re just a man-child looking for attention, Scragg Man, and degrading women is no laughing matter,” the fierce feminist replied. I then began to play, “Oh Well”, Ms. Livingstone was familiar with the song and let a smile before realizing where she was. “I’m not surprised by your immature behavior, but it’s sad to see a man your age still act like a stupid teenager,” the feminist president said. “Gloria “My Name Ain’t Steinem” Livingstone, would like to dedicate a song for all her sisters out there, so I’m going to perform, “I Am Woman” but play it like a man because ain’t no one want to hear that song in its original form,” I replied. “You’re such an obnoxious little boy,” Ms. Livingstone seethed. “Lighten up, Ma’am, the crowd wants to me to rock. And with that, I played “This Ain’t Someplace Else.” Kevin walked up to Gloria, and handed her three copies of my CD’s. I gave her a wink. She glowered at me, but didn’t toss the CD’s away. I saw a young woman asked if she could have them, and the feminist shooed her away.

Things have gotten off to a good start.

Don’t Stray When You’re Away 1020

I sat at the kitchen table waiting for Kevin to arrive. Blake walked in and took a seat next to me. “I wish you were going with me,” I said. She smiled and took my hand. “Just do what you have to and try to stay out of trouble,” she replied. “I know what I have to do and I’m going to do it and then head home. I like the city, but not that much.” “This is what you’ve worked for, so enjoy it and make us proud,” Blake said. “I will, and always remember that this is what I do, not who I am.” My wife smiled and gave me a kiss.

Kevin arrived and we hit the road before dawn. I asked him if it was hard for him to leave his family. He gave me a sheepish look and then cracked up.
I have more years in this than you, so this is a break. I love my family, but I deserve this now and then.” “I guess.” “I figure we’ll check in and then scope out the city,” my partner said. “I promised Blake that I wouldn’t get in any trouble,” I replied. “Now what kind of trouble could we get into,” Kevin said with a wicked grin. “Christ, I made a dirty album last time I was on the road with you.” “Yeah, and that worked out well.” “Just don’t loosen up your legs and hip, boy,” I said. “I promise, Scragg.”

Please let this trip be mild.

As we got on 95, Kevin asked me if I ever thought about cheating on Blake, which caught me by surprise. “Of course not, and why would you ask such  a question,” I replied. “I didn’t mean to offend you, Scragg, I was just being nosey.” “You’re not thinking about doing that shit in New York, are you?” “No, I just asked you if you ever thought about being with another woman.” “And I told you no, so let’s get off this fucked up topic.” “Okay.”

What the hell?

“I bet they’re a lot of pretty women in New York,” my partner then said. “Kevin!” “Just making a comment.” “Make more appropriate comments.” “What do you want to talk about?” “Business.” “You’re no fun.” “Look, if you want to whack off in your mind, have at it, but keep your filthy thoughts to yourself, and furthermore, don’t act upon them because you’d be a worthless fuck without Brie, and I’m not going to take care of you, so you’ll end up in the gutter and probably get your throat cut by another wino looking for spare change. Just admit that you’re in your situation for life and stop thinking about being a playboy because you would suck at it,” I replied. “Shit, you don’t have much confidence in me,” Kevin said. “Not when it comes to shit like that.” “I thought when you became successful you got a license to play the field,” my partner said. “And Brie gets a lawyer who rips you apart in court, which leads you to the gutter where some other desperate fuck bashes your brains in for your bottle of cheap wine.” “I thought you said he would cut my throat,” Kevin replied. “Cut your throat, bash your brains in, blow your head off, disembowel, flay, or boil you in oil, pick your way to die, asshole; the result is the same.” “I think getting my head blown off would be the most painless.” “Then I hope the fucker boils you in oil,” I replied. Kevin laughed. ” I wonder what the gentlemen’s clubs are like up there,” he then asked. “Kevin!” “Just kidding, Scragg.” “With your luck you’d end up being the main attraction,” I said. “That would be cool, too,” my foolish partner replied. “Idiot.” 

You don’t stray when you’re away.