Silent Messenger 844

We got back to the house and relaxed. I told Paige that she was an adult and could do what she wanted, but that didn’t mean I would always agree with her decisions. She said that was fair and would try to be more understanding of my position. We chatted about mundane things and were about to call it a night when Tabitha came knocking on the door. I answered it and she gave me a look of disbelief. “Everything okay,” I asked with dread. “Why was it a secret,” she asked. “What?”

I then realized what she was talking about.

We all gathered around and I told Blake and Paige that Tara got married yesterday. “She told us this morning, and seems very happy.”

Then Blake and Paige gave me looks of disbelief.

“I’m sorry, I figured she would have told Tabby, who would have spread the word,” I said. “And you didn’t think that was big news,” Blake replied. “Yeah, but Tara made it sound like it was a done deal a few weeks back, so I congratulated her and wished her a happy marriage.” “And you didn’t tell anyone,” Paige asked. “Why is it my job to spread the news?” “I just saw her and she acted as if it was no big deal. I mean she came by the apartment, picked up the rest of her stuff, and told me as she was leaving that she got married,” Tabitha said in a stunned voice. “She’s very comfortable being a married woman, so I’m happy for her,” I said. “Why didn’t she tell us,” Blake asked. “I don’t know, I guess she assumed that no one would be surprised.” “Elmer, marriage isn’t something that you just do on a whim,” my wife replied. “That’s how we did it,” I replied. “Yes, but…” “Look, it’s between Tara and Liam, so they’re the ones you need to get the scoop from,” I said. “You come home; play headbanger music, and forget to tell us that Tara got married,” Paige said in a puzzled voice. “What was I supposed to do?” “Tell us,” my daughter hollered. “That’s Tara’s job.” “Daddy, that’s lame.” “Why is it lame?” “Because that was information that was far more important than listening to rock songs,” Paige fired back. “Call Tara,” I replied. Paige laughed and then gave me a scornful look. “You’re incredible,” she said sheepishly. “I thought she had told you guys.” “And when we didn’t mention it, didn’t that give you a clue that we didn’t know,” Blake asked. “Look, you now, so cut me some slack,” I replied, which got me more annoyed looks. “If you were a messenger no one would know anything,” my daughter practically screamed.

I need a cave.

A few minutes later, Brie called and she and Blake took turns bashing Kevin and me. “Yeah, Elmer is telling us that he thought we knew, but he’s just oblivious,” Blake said to Brie, who apparently was giving my partner the same treatment. “Well, Elmer came in and insisted we listen to this dreadful heavy metal, but neglected to tell us about Tara, even though we asked about his day,” my wife said while giving me “you dumb shit” look. “They’re men, Brie, which means if it doesn’t fit into their narrow world, it doesn’t matter, or even exist,” my wife continued while being cheered on by Paige and Tabitha. “Yeah, we’ll talk about this tomorrow. Tell Kev I said hello; maybe he’ll remember who I am,” Blake said. “If we relied on Elmer for information, we’d all be screwed,” she added with a sarcastic laugh.

I can’t win.

Blake clicked off and gave me another look of disdain. “Kevin didn’t bother to tell Brie, until a few minutes ago. He, too, insisted on playing that awful music, and was puzzled when Brie told him that it was just noise.” “Why didn’t Gabby spread the word,” I asked. “Because she had to take her grandmother to the doctor’s today,” Tabitha replied. “She couldn’t believe that you didn’t tell us.” “Damn, I hope no one dies at the restaurant because we’d never know,” Paige said. “Come on, it just slipped my mind because I thought you guys knew,” I pleaded. “Elmer, we’re detailed oriented, which means we like the whole story, but you can’t even tell us the that a story exists, which makes me wonder how men ever get anything right,” Blake said. “Tara gets married. Milt and Rory make a hard rock CD. Daddy decides to we should listen to music. Daddy then gets pissed off when I tell him Michael and I are going to Gatlinburg next weekend. He claims he’s the last to know everything. Daddy has numerous opportunities to tell us that Tara got married, but it slips his mind because he’s too busy wondering what’s going to happen in Gatlinburg. He makes no connection to Tara getting married. Daddy is oblivious to the point of being absurd,” my daughter rattled off in a sarcastic voice that got howls of approval from my Blake and Tabitha. “I never said I was a messenger,” I replied like an idiot.

The women began talking as if I wasn’t in the room.

“I’m going to step outside,” I said. Blake gave me an indifferent look before nodding. I walked out to the sound of laughter behind me.

Outgunned again.

Love, Understanding, And Shacking Up 843

Paige met me at the house and we walked in together. Blake was sitting on the couch and I took a seat next her. We went over the day, which was uneventful for my two girls. “How was you day, Daddy,” my daughter asked. “It was easy; Milt ran the store while Kev and I loafed. He’s opening up tomorrow, which should make for another smooth day.” “You’ve got them trained well,” Paige said. “That was the plan all along.” “Michael will be joining The  Azalea Medical Clinic, in a few weeks, which wasn’t what he imagined, but it the only realistic opportunity for him now. He doesn’t have the money to open up his own practice, so this is the next best thing,” Paige said. “It’s a job, and he’ll eventually get his own practice,” I replied. “I know, and I’m good with it.” “Milt and Rory cut a four song CD that absolutely rocks,” I said, which caught Blake and Paige by surprise. “What,” my wife asked. “You ought to hear it,” I said. “Okay, throw it in,” my daughter said. I put the CD in the player and turned it up.

Man, these guys jam.

Blake looked at me in horror while Paige listened with apprehension. “My, God, they’re loud,” my wife said. “They rock, baby.” “They’re loud, honey.” “It’s hard rock, there’s no doubt about that,” Paige commented. “You like it,” I asked. “It’s okay, but I like it a little softer,” Paige replied. “This is the kind of music Elmer really likes, but I won’t let him play it in the house because it makes me nervous,” Blake said. “Are you going to make an album like this,” my daughter asked. “I’d like to.” “I think you should keep it mellow,” she suggested. “Why?” “Because you’re so good at that kind of music. I know you can shred, but what’s the point when you can play and sing like you can, Daddy?” “I like hard rock,” I replied. “Then make a hard rock album,” Paige replied. “I’m going to, but just for fun.”

We went out for dinner at a small seafood joint that served great oysters. Paige asked me about the movie, which I hadn’t thought about for the last few days. “I guess Seth has it under control. He said he’ll get up with me when I’m needed.” “Has he’s given up on you slowing down,” my daughter then asked. “I have slowed down, and Blake will tell you that.” “He has, and he’s home earlier and is far more attentive,” my wife replied. “That’s great, Daddy.” “I know what’s important,” I replied. “In fact, next weekend  I think I’ll have a picnic at the house and invite some people over. Bring Michael, so I can insult him.” Paige gave me a look of surprise. “Come on, you know I’m just joking.” “I know,” my daughter replied in a shaky voice. “Is everything okay,” I asked. “I won’t be here next weekend, Daddy.” “Where you going?” “To Gatlinburg.” “Oh,” I replied.

She’s going up there with that no good Michael.

“Let me guess: you’re going up there with Michael,” I said. “Yes.” “I see.” “I’m a grown woman, Daddy.” “I know.” I looked at Blake, who obviously knew this before me. “She tell you this, too,” I asked. “Elmer, Paige is a grown woman, so leave it alone.” “Okay, I’m not saying anything.” “We’ve already made love, Daddy, so it’s not like we’re doing anything we haven’t done before,” Paige said in a snippy voice that pissed me off. “So you’re just throwing this in my face and the hell with old Dad,” I replied. “You’re such a hypocrite. You had no trouble going to bed with Mama, and you were a…” Paige stopped, and then got up and went to the restroom.

This sucks.

“I guess my past is an excuse for people to do what he hell they want,” I said. “Will you stop this,” Blake pleaded. “She tells me she’s going away to shack up with Michael, and I’m supposed to give it my approval?” “She wants you to treat her like an adult, Elmer.” “I just concerned,” I replied. “I understand, but you have to let her live her life,” my wife said. “This sucks,” I blurted out. “Paige is a sweet young woman in love with a nice young man, so you should be grateful. She shouldn’t have to worry about this at her age, so lay off and be supportive,” Blake replied.

I guess I have to try a little understanding.

Paige came back and I told her to have a good time. “I’m your father, so I’m supposed to be a pain-in-the-ass,” I said. “I know, Daddy, and I’m so sorry about lashing out at you. I’ve got to watch that,” my daughter replied. “Let’s enjoy the rest of our meal,” I said. “So, what cabin did you rent,” I asked. Paige pulled out a brochure and handed it to Blake. They talked like women talk while I tried to be understanding.

Love, understanding, and shacking up.

Thirteen Minutes Of Pure Rock And Roll 842

Kevin and I went to a small cafe in Wilmington, and chatted about our future. “Milt’s got the restaurant for the day, Kev, so relax and enjoy this little break,” I said. “I’m just not used to letting people run my business,” my partner replied. “We set it up this way, so we could focus on other things. You must have something musically in mind,” I said. “Yeah.” “What is it, Kev?” “I just want to make a simple rock album, free of ballads, and heavy on jamming. I want to go back to the music that first turned me on to drums. I know it won’t sell, but fuck it, I want to jam full-throttle,” my partner replied. “Sounds like a plan to me,” I said. “Really?” “Yeah, Kev, I’m a hard-rocker, but I’ve never fully realized it because of circumstances and such. I love my first album, and I even like the live album, but I want to jam, too.” “Then let’s jam, Scragg.” “Consider it done. If Milt wants to manage, let him manage. He can open up and have all the fun, and we’ll come in after lunch and take the credit,” I replied. “Okay, we’ll start it tomorrow, but what about the other players,” Kevin asked. “Drums and guitar are all we need,” I replied.

Kevin beamed from ear to ear.

After drinking coffee and chatting for a spell, we headed to the school, so I could check on Blake, who wanted something to eat. We took her to the deli, and talked about our day. “I’m sorry Brie wasn’t available today, but she’s working with the students who are having trouble in English,” my wife said. “That’s okay, I know she’s busy, and besides, we’re seeing plenty of each other now,” Kevin replied. “Brie told me Christine is doing better,” Blake said. “Yes, and we need to monitor that more closely. That was a scary night, but fortunately we were both there to handle it. Life is good, and I’m thankful for what I’ve got. I know I’ve never been the most personable guy, but I’ve always appreciated the people in my life,” my partner added. “Everyone I know loves the restaurant and say that it’s the best place in town. I know those smoothies are addictive,” Blake said. “It’s been an adventure, but a good one. There’s just no keeping Scragg from thinking ahead.” Blake laughed and told Kevin that she ought to live with me. “I bet you’re never bored,” my partner replied. “No, he’s always doing something.”

After lunch, Kevin and I went back to the restaurant and found it in good order. Everyone was busy, and the customers seemed satisfied. Milt said that they had a rush at noon, but they handled it with ease. “They why did I get three calls from disgruntled customers telling me that the manager was clueless and led the staff into a clusterfuck,” I replied. Milt’s eyes widened while I stared him down. “Who…” Kevin laughed, which was a great relief for the old ax man. “Damn, I should have seen that coming,” he said. “Yeah, you should have because next time it’ll be worse,” I replied. “I’d expect nothing less.” “Well, your trial by fire continues tomorrow when you get the chance to open up, so have at it and have fun. We’ll be in later on, so don’t bother us with questions,” I replied. “I’m the man for the job,” Milt replied. “Doris is in tomorrow, so she’ll rip you a new one if you fuck up.” “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Scragg.” “You’re welcome, Milt.”

After closing, Rory pulled me aside and asked me if I would listen to something. “What is it,” I asked. “Something Milt and I made, along with a drummer, who has a small studio at his house.” ‘So you recorded some songs?” “Yes, but I want you to give them a listen.” “Sure,” I replied, let’s finish cleaning up and we’ll give it a spin.”

When we finished cleaning up, I asked Kevin to put the CD in the computer. Milt and Rory quickly hauled ass, leaving Kev and I alone to listen to their recording. My partner put it in and we listened in awe.

It was thirteen minutes of full-throttle rock and roll.

“Christ, they beat us to the punch,” I said. “What the fuck,” my partner said in disbelief. “Who’s the drummer,” I asked. “I think it’s Tony Wilmer,” Kevin replied. “He used to run a music store in Jacksonville.” “He can drum,” I commented. “He sure can, and Milt and Rory can pure fucking rock. I love Milt’s rough vocals,” my partner added. “Blake was right: Milt would benefit from Rory being there,” I said.

Rock on.

Milt Steps Up 841

I told Kevin about my book deal, which made him shake his head in disbelief. “You’ve got the touch, buddy, congrats, man,” he replied as he shook my hand. “Thanks, but now I’m worried what people are really going to think of me.” “They’re going to think there’s hope, so don’t worry about it, Scragg.” “It’s going to be weird seeing my words in print.” “Is it weird to hear your songs on the radio?” “Kinda.” “You’ll get used to it.” “I hope I never to familiar with it,” I replied.

Tara came bopping in wearing a smile. “How’s it going, young lady,” I asked. “Great, I had a super weekend, so I’m ready for the week,” Little Mama replied. “You like Liam’s parents?” “Yeah, they’re great, and I think we’re going to be real close.” “That’s terrific.” “I’m no longer Tara Moreland.”

Oh boy.

“What,” I asked. “I’m now Tara O’Brien,” Little Mama erupted in joy. “We got married yesterday, so I’m now a wife.” “Well, I guess congratulations are in order,” I said. “We thought about this a couple weeks ago, so we just decided to do it while we were up there. His parents approved, as did mine. Liam’s father told him that his life has changed forever and to take care of me and his children. I told his parents that they can expect more kids and that I’ll take care of their son. We’re going to go somewhere when it’s convenient for the both of us.” “So you didn’t opt for a wedding,” Kevin asked. “Nah, we’re married now and that’s all I care about. I know it’s going to be a big adjustment, but I’m so ready to do this.” “That’s great, Tara, and if you’re happy, I’m happy for you,” my partner said. “Thanks, Kev.”

I told Tara about Doris and Stella, and she seemed a little wary of them. “I’m not going anywhere, yet,” she replied. “I know, but you’re not going to be here for the long haul, either,” I replied. “You’ll always have a job with us as long as you want it, but I know that this isn’t in your plans, so we’re setting it up for the long run. I closed a book deal yesterday, so I’m going to need you to promote that on my site and help out with the albums. This is a job for someone without young children, and you know it.” “That’s great about the book deal, Elmer, and I know you’re right, but I always want to be part of this,” Tara replied. “You will, Tara, because I’ve determined that there’s no getting rid of you,” Kevin replied. Little Mama gave him a nasty look, but smiled when he gave it back. “I’ll be here when Blake has her baby, which will help, Elmer. I guess Doris and Stella need no training,” Tara asked. “None, in fact, they’re incredible workers,” I replied. “That’s good,” the new wife replied.

We got the day started when ten workmen came in. Gabby and Tara took their orders while Milt and Rory cooked like seasoned pros. Kevin and I marveled how well our crew functions as a unit. “They could get by without us,” my partner commented. “Easily,” I replied. “And that was your plan all along,” he asked. “Yep, everyone here can manage this restaurant, and when Doris starts fulltime, it’s really going to fly.” “I’m going to hit the grill,” Kevin said. “Yeah, why don’t you fuck up the works,” I replied. “Asshole,” my partner said as he relieved a reluctant Milt.

I stepped outside and the old ax man joined me. “We got this, Scragg,” he said. “I know,” I replied. “I can manage this place,” he continued. “I know.” “Let me manage it, then,” he asked. “And what do we do,” I asked. “Why don’t you guys take a break.” “I took one yesterday, Milt.” “I need to know I can run this place, Scragg.” “Are you sure you can.” “Yes, I’m positive.”

Milt is finally ready to take control.

“Okay, run it, you know what to do,” I replied. “I know one of you are always going to be here, but I can do this, which is why you hired me,” the old ax man said. “You want Kevin out of your way,” I replied. “Yeah, he can make smoothies and piddle around,” Milt replied. “Okay, I think my partner will take a drive.” “Good, I’ll see you a little later, Scragg.”

I love it when a plan comes together.

Autobiography Of A Fool 840

At dinner, Blake said that Tabitha was contemplating going single for a while. “She told me that Saturday reminded her too much of Jason and his scummy friends. That Logan sounds like a criminal who needs his butt kicked.” “I hate for her past to dictate what she does now and in the future because she’s a different person than she was back in Warren, and, Channing didn’t act like that, so she shouldn’t throw the relationship away because some punk acted like a thug. Kevin said Chase told him that Logan is a creep, but that situation is easily rectified if everyone stays away from him,” I replied. “How was Gabby,” my wife asked. “She was good, and she told Kevin that it was a bad date, but is ready to move on. She didn’t say anything to me, so apparently she’s true to her word.” “That’s good, and I hope she finds a nicer guy next time,” Blake said.

We were watching one of Blake’s miserable television shows when I saw Kilburn pull up. I greeted him at the door, which got a me closer look at his scowl. “What’s up, Jerry,” I asked. “Business, so let’s sit down and discuss it,” the charm school dropout replied. “Is this good or bad news,” I asked. “It’s good, your book has been bought by Jupiter Press, or should I say they’ve made an offer,” the lawyer grunted. “I’ve never heard of Jupiter Press,” I replied. “They’re out of Charlotte, but they’re a subsidiary of Barnaby International, a media conglomerate, so it’s not like you’re being published by some ma and pa company,” Kilburn said. “Is it a fair offer?” “It’s the best offer you’re going to get at this time, so my advice is to take it.” “Okay, Jerry, I guess you can add literary agent to your resume,” I replied. “I was a literary agent until I discovered that writers are miserable people,” the lawyer growled.

Only Jerry could say something like that with a straight face.

“Okay, thanks for doing that for me,” I said. “Yeah, let me go over the details,” Kilburn said.

After Mr. Personality left, Blake and I celebrated by turning off the television and snuggling. “You’re going to be a published author,” she proudly said. “Yeah, that’s wild.” “Things have really changed for you, baby.” “Yes they have.” “Is everything okay,” my wife asked. “Yeah, I’m just a little apprehensive about the world reading my story,” I replied. “And seeing my book in the dollar bin six months from now,” I added.”It’ll do fine, baby.” “Wow, an autobiography of a fool is about to be published,” I said. “You’re not a fool,” Blake replied. “I was up until recently.” “But it’s now that counts.” “I know, it’s just surreal.”

Who would have ever thought that I would wrote an autobiography and get it published?

No one.

A Keeper 839

Kevin was already at the restaurant when I arrived. I asked him how yesterday went, and he said it was great. “Doris and Stella are like having a whole crew here. I felt a little guilty because they did everything,” my partner said. “How was Gabby,” I asked. “Good, she told me she and Tabby had a disastrous date on Saturday, but that she’s good. Chase came in and she told him what happened, which I didn’t approve of, but maybe it worked out because he said that Logan kid is a real scumbag. He told me that he’s into a lot of weird sexual stuff,” Kevin said. “Did he say anything about Channing,” I asked. “Yes, he said that the boy is a nice guy, and that Tabitha should try to look behind his physical assets,” my partner replied. “That seems to be the consensus,” I added.

Milt and Rory came looking refreshed. They were still in awe of Doris and Stella, who have made a mighty impression on all of us. “Those two gals put us to shame, but that’s good because we now have something to shoot for,” Rory declared; showing the maturity and enthusiasm that made me proud. “That’s what I want to hear, so let’s hit it and kick some more ass,” I said. “Oh yeah, Doris is coming in this morning, so we’re really ready to rock,” Kevin said. “Is she here all day?” “No, but she’ll be here til ten, which will help.”

Gabby and Doris came in wearing smiles, which was a good sign. They hit it with the gusto, and when we opened up, the operation was in full swing. Gabby never looked better as she did her job with a renewed sense of purpose. Doris just rocked, so Kevin and I made smoothies and tended to the biscuits for something to do. I finally told Milt to take a break because I was bored. Kevin relieved Rory shortly afterwards. We worked the grills for a few  minutes before Rory said he wanted to get back to work. I worked the cash register for a spell, but Kevin was a constant thorn in my ass, so I let him take over. I walked over to make smoothies, but Doris gave me a smile and said she was on it.

I was feeling useless.

After breakfast, I helped clean up, which was easy because Gabby and Doris had already done most of it. “This place is running just the way I imagined,” I said. “When people work, the time goes by quickly,” Doris said. “I’m going to eventually put you to shame, Doris,” Rory said with a smile. “The only thing you’re gonna put to shame is your manhood, which has already taken an awful beating,” Doris replied. “Ooh, that hurt,” Rory replied with a laugh. “You’re talking to “The Sultan of the Spatula,” Rory added, which made us all bust up. “Are you still doing disgusting things with kitchen utensils to pleasure yourself, Rory,” Doris fired back. We all were in stitches as the salty gal rattled off a few more insults that forced Rory to surrender from laughter.

Doris is a keeper.

“Can I take a quick smoke break,” she asked. “Go for it,” I replied. “Smoking is bad for your health,” Rory quipped. “So is unprotected sex, asshole; oh yeah, you wouldn’t know that because all you’ve ever known is your greasy little hands,” Doris replied before walking out. We all cracked up. “Man, she’s a trip,” Milt remarked. “She’s great,” Gabby added.

Doris took a few puffs, and then did a few more chores before leaving. I walked her out to her car and asked her if she liked her job at the grocery store. “It’s a job, which is fast going away,” she replied. “You getting good pay out there?” “Minimum wage,” she replied. “You want full-time at one place,” I asked. “You mean make this place my one and only?” “Yes.” “Shit, you really want me here?” “Yeah, but you have to keep cutting Rory to size,” I replied. “If I cut him any lower, the little shit will be in the ground,” Doris replied. “True, but then you can turn your attention on someone else.” “I gotta give notice,” she said. “Of course.” Doris smiled. “I love it here,” she said.

Doris rocks.

 

Lust Gone Bad 838

Blake and I decided to stay in town, so we went to church at St. Mary’s, which was even more boring than usual. It felt a little strange being the only ones from the gang in church on this Sunday, which didn’t surprise me. Paige called early to say that she was battling a sinus headache, which I believed by the way she sounded. Blake did seem a little concerned about Tabitha, who seems to have lost her mind over the pretty boy. “I hope she’s not falling too hard for this guy before she knows him” she said, which made me smile. “I know, we didn’t know each other before we dived in, but we we’re a lot older than Tabby,” my wife added. “They’re adults, which means they can do what they want, baby. I pray they use good judgement, but they’re young and full of vigor, which usually doesn’t lead to good decisions. Tabitha probably just wants to cut loose for a spell, which is normal. I hope there’s more to Channing than what she sees, but if it’s just lust, then it’ll be quick and dirty,” I said. “I hate that, but there isn’t anything we can do,” my wife replied.

We took a drive to Carolina Beach, and then had lunch in Wilmington. Blake asked if I wanted to stop at the restaurant, and I couldn’t imagine anything I wanted to do less. “Kevin’s got it under control,” I said. “So, you think Doris and Stella are going to work out?” “From what I saw yesterday they could run the place,” I replied. “Wow, that’s great.” “Yes, and I need to thank Timmy for that.” “How do you think it’s going for Tara in Cary,” Blake then asked. “I don’t know Liam’s parents, so I have no idea, but if there’s a way for her to win them over, she’ll find it. I wouldn’t be surprised if they come back with a wedding date,” I replied. “I was thinking that, too,” my wife said. “Liam seems ready to settle down, so I think those two could have a very bright future. I know Tara will give it her all, and if he can learn to hold his own with her, then it will be a solid marriage,” I said. “Tara will be a good wife and mother, but Liam better tow the line,” Blake added. “That he better,” I replied.

We got back to the house and crashed on the bed for a nap. We had just closed our eyes when Paige smashed on the door. I got up and let her in. “Hi, Daddy,” she greeted me as she walked in. “Is everything alright,” I asked. “Not really,” Paige replied. “What’s wrong?” “I got a call from Channing about an hour ago, and he said last night didn’t go well.” “What happened.” “Channing said that he, Tabby, Gabby, and Logan went out last night, and after dinner, Logan suggested they go to Wrightsville Beach and get a room. Gabby told him that she had to work in the morning, so she couldn’t do it, which pissed Logan off. She then said that she wasn’t going to do anything this soon in the relationship, so it would be a waste of money, and that really set him off. Channing said that he called both Gabby and Tabby, “cock teases” which angered Tabby, who took a swing at him. Gabby swung her purse at Logan and told him to never to talk to her again. Channing said that Logan walked home from the restaurant, which I guess is a long haul. He said he took the girls home after that. The reason he called me was because he was worried about what you might think. I told him that everyone involved is an adult, so they need to work it out, but I thought you should know. I really hate it because I think it could be more than just lust between Tabby and Channing, but he’s really upset and doesn’t know what to do. I asked him how things went between he and Tabby, and he said that they were fine. He knows she really likes him, but he’s concerned that it’s only skin deep,” Paige said.

Why can’t young people just behave?

“Like you said: they’re adults, so there’s nothing we can do, but offer advice. It sounds like this Logan is a punk who Gabby needs to stay away from. I think Channing needs to grow a pair and do what he thinks is best.”

Blake walked out of the bedroom and asked what was going on.

Paige told Blake what she told me, which throughly dismayed my wife. “It sounds like lust gone bad,” Blake said. “Channing said that Tabby apologized for behavior, and said that she didn’t mean to embarrass him or try to put him in an awkward position,” Paige added. “What kind of position did she want,” I asked, which caused Paige to laugh. “I’m sorry, but Tabby was talking trash yesterday. Maybe this is a good thing because it illustrates the need to go slow when it comes to relationships.” “Gabby admitted to acting a little wild, but said she was just flirting. Some guys don’t know how to play that game,” Paige said. “It sounds like dating sucks,” I remarked.

What a mess.

Gorgeous Guys And An Old Hypocrite 837

Tabitha and Channing left to go out with Gabby and Logan while Paige and Michael hung around to chat a little more. “That was a strange conversation,” I said. “Yes it was, but it revealed what everyone thinks of Chase,” my daughter replied. “You really feel that strongly about him,” I asked the two ladies. “He’s just a asshole, but I respect your ties to him, so I’ll stop talking trash about him,” Paige replied. “We shouldn’t have been that critical of him in front of Channing,” Blake added. “I find Chase annoying, but he apparently thinks the world of you, so we need to respect that.” “You have another guy tied to you that people have trouble digesting, or at least according to Tabby,” my daughter said. “Would that be Kevin,” I asked. “Yes, but you already knew that. People don’t hate him as much, but they find him abrasive, which I can see, but I don’t have any problem with him,” Paige replied. “Kevin’s a good man who’s going through a very difficult time. He’s not always very personable, but he’s never been anything but nice to me. Once again, he’s not my friend, so I can deal with him,” my wife said.

Sounds like people are lukewarm about my partner.

“What do you think of this Channing,” I asked my daughter. “He’s sweet, but I can see why you’re a little leery of him. I know he isn’t your idea of a man, but he’s gentle, intelligent, and a good person.” “I’m not sure that matters to Tabitha at the moment,” I replied. “Yeah, he’s also gorgeous,” Paige added. “He comes from academia; his father is a professor at UNC-Wilmington, and his mother teaches at Cape Fear Christian. He’s not a bad find, but there needs to be more than lust driving the relationship,” my daughter said. “Who’s this Logan,” I asked. Logan Meyers, he’s a pharmacist. He works with his father who owns Meyer’s Pharmacy in Wilmington. His mother is a nurse at the hospital, so he comes from a professional family,” Paige replied. “Is he a hunk, or whatever they call pretty boys today?” “He’s fine, he’s a little taller than Channing, but not as athletic. Gabby’s really into him.” “Well, looks do count for something,” I quipped. “Both of them are nice guys, Daddy, and they’re not arrogant, which is rare with gorgeous guys.”

Gorgeous guys?

I remember when men were handsome and women, pretty. I find it weird when they describe young men in the same vein as women. I hear Paige describe guys as being “hot” “fine” “smokin” and “the bomb.” I also hear younger women openly talk about their sexual intentions, which I find awkward. I know what’s fair for men is game for gals, but it still makes me uneasy. Women are better than men, so I don’t like it when they act like us.

Man, I’m really a hypocrite.

“I guess I’m just old, but I find all this talk of lust a tad unsettling. I know I recorded an album full of sexist nonsense that I’m really regretting, but it’s just a stupid record. I guess I’m being silly and sanctimonious, so I’ll shut my mouth,” I said. “No, Sir, I find all this sexual frankness disturbing, too. We’re all sinners, but you don’t need to announce what you’re doing in the bedroom. I think it’s just a matter of using discretion,” Michael replied. “Of course, looking back is always subjective, so perhaps I’ll just keep my mouth shut,” I said while smiling at Blake, who smirked.

Yes, I’m definitely an old hypocrite.

My wife and I finally got to spend some time alone, and I asked her if she thought Tabby was okay. “She’s fine, Elmer, if you were in her shoes you would be acting the same way,” she replied. “I can’t imagine falling for Channing.” “You’re not a woman, so it’s impossible for you to imagine that. He’s what every young woman wants.” “If you say so,” I replied. “You always step in a landmine when you preach sexual restraint,” Blake then said with a smile. “I know, and I feel like an idiot when I do it, but I just want those girls to be careful.” “They know that, but they do have minds of their own, too,” Blake said. “True, so let’s just drop it and spend the rest of the night being immoral,” I replied, which made Blake laugh. “You’re a mess, Elmer.”

And old, and out-of-touch, and etc, etc.

 

Only Friend In The World 836

   Channing finally regained his composure, and I told him that he didn’t have to worry about me killing him today. I imagine if you’re female, Channing would be hard not to notice. At six feet two with a sinewy build, the young man certainly has an impressive physique. His auburn hair, soft brown eyes, and high cheekbones gives him that model look, which seems to make young women swoon. I can see why Tabitha is nuts for him, but so far, all I see is a pretty boy with an effeminate streak. “I really like your music, Sir,” the gorgeous young man said meekly, which was fast becoming irritating. “Thank you, young man,” I replied. “The music teacher at school says you’re very difficult to play, which is why I can’t get any of your songs down. I looked at the tablature, and it’s like something from another world. I don’t see how you do it, Sir,” he said. “I just do it,” I replied. “Daddy’s music is almost impossible to play, Channing, so you need to start with someone less difficult,” my daughter chimed in. “I just play what comes to mind. I never was into the three chord strum, but that doesn’t mean simple music isn’t good,” I said.

   My daughter retrieved my acoustic guitar from the guest room, and handed it to me. “Can you play “This Ain’t Someplace Else” for Channing. He said he loves the song, and would be appreciative if you gave him a live performance,” Paige said. “Okay,” I replied. I played the song for the young man who seemed to go in a trance while I sang the tune. I could see him watching my fingers and thinking that he’ll never master it. After playing the song, I handed the guitar to Paige, who did some elaborate fingerpicking, which impressed me. “I’ve never met anyone like you, Sir. Tabitha said that you can play multiple instruments equally well, and that you can write songs right off the top of your head. I’ve always been amazed by people like you. I’ve spent years trying to play, but can barely do so,” Channing said. “It’s just something I can do, which is good because I can’t do much else,” I replied. “That’s not true, Elmer,” Tabitha said. “Yes it is.” “No, Elmer can draw, do magic, play chess, is a math wiz, an author, and a great cook,” Tabitha continued. “I’m also an alcoholic, junkie, three-time loser, and an utter fool. When I finally decided to straighten out my life I knew that I needed someone to share my gifts with. I found Blake, and we’re building a life together. Everyone tells me how talented I am, but it takes more talent to go to school, get a degree and live a normal healthy life. The things you do naturally, I have to work at. I can’t have a beer because if I do everything I’ve worked for is gone. Dr. Donnelly devoted years of college, so he could become a doctor. My daughter put in the time to become a teacher and a musician. My wife is a doctor. You’re a college graduate and teacher, Channing. Tabitha has worked herself out of poverty by becoming a great organizer. All I did was screw-up most of my life, but now that I’m supposedly successful, I’m real careful about praise and contentedness because you can always do more,” I replied.

   Channing didn’t know what to say.

   “He always says that, Channing, because Elmer doesn’t like taking credit for the things he does,” Tabitha said to her object of lust. “I’ve heard so many great things about you, Sir, and Tabby tells me that you’re the nicest man she’s ever known, but also one of the toughest. That’s probably why…” Channing said before covering his mouth. “It’s okay, Chan, Elmer knows Chase,” Tabitha said. “What’s Chase got to do with any of this,” I asked. “Channing went to school with him, and said that he was a very peculiar boy, but he now sees that he was just driven.” “I have a friend whose father works for Barton, and he said that Chase talks about you all the time. He said that Chase felt guilty about hurting Tabby, but was really crushed when he thought he would lose you as a friend, Sir. You see, Chase has been told who to associate with his whole life, so when he finally decided to go against his father, he found two people who weren’t in awe of his money. He’ll always have a special place in his heart for Tabby, but he really wants to impress you because he feels some sort of connection with you. He’s not a bad guy; just a little out there. I guess people who see things differently would be drawn to each other. I bet you’re the only one who can tolerate Chase,” Channing said, finally loosening up. “Yes,” my wife interjected. “Everyone else can’t stand the guy,” she added. “I don’t like him,” Paige added. “Tara hates him, and so does Liam,” Tabitha said. “Barbara can’t stand him, and neither can Kevin and Brie,” Paige said. “Milt and Rory despise him,” Tabby tossed in. “What do you think of him,” Michael asked Tabitha. “I’m glad I’m not with him, and I wasted both of our time by staying because he is bizarre and irritating, but I can’t say I hate him. I’d be lying if I said his wealth had nothing to do with me hanging in for as how long I did, but the money meant nothing to me at the end. The only person who can deal with Chase is Elmer,” Tabitha replied.

   What the hell is this all about?

   “So I’m the designated Chase Man,” I asked. “Pretty much,” Blake replied. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “It means that any dealings you have with him you keep between him and you. I’m beginning to like Rene and Elise, but Chase and I just don’t mix, which is okay,” my wife continued. “Erica’s cool, but that asshole can just stay away from me,” my daughter said. “Sir, what I’m saying is: Tabby told me that she was concerned about what the Stevenson’s might do to all her friends because they have the means to mess with people, and ruin them if they want. They can be scary people, but I told her not to worry because Chase feels he has only one true friend in the world and that’s you. He wouldn’t hurt any of you, regardless, but you have a friend in Chase, Mr. Scraggy, which I guess is a good thing, but I suppose it’s a responsibility, too. It had to be someone like you, Sir, to reach Chase, because you’re the only person who understands him,” the pretty boy said. “I don’t understand him,” I protested. “Yeah you do,” Blake said. “You’re his only friend in the world,” she added.

   Damn.

Making An Impression 835

Blake was talking with Paige, Michael, Tabitha, and some other young man, who I assumed was Channing, when I walked in the house. My wife smiled as Tabitha introduced the youngster, who seemed very nervous. “It’s an honor to meet you, Sir,” Channing said in a shaky tone. “Well, I’m pleased to meet you Shannon,” I replied. “It’s Channing, Elmer,” Tabitha said, obviously too infatuated to realize that I was joking. “Oh, Chadwick, I’m sorry, but those fans at the restaurant have my hearing all messed up,” I replied. “It’s not…” Tabitha then caught on. “I was afraid of this,” she said. “Elmer, behave,” my wife warned. “So, Charlie, what do you do,” I asked. “I work at the Wilmington Academy, Sir.” “Okay, what do you teach?” “Science, Sir.” “What subject?” “Chemistry, mainly, but I can teach other sciences, too.” “I bet you can,” I replied in a jeering tone, which deflated the young man. “Elmer, why do you insist on being this way,” Blake snapped. “I don’t know, I guess I’m resentful of a young man who looks like he should be on the cover of GQ, but also because I’m just old and treacherous, which makes a dangerous man, Charlie Channing,” I replied. “Daddy, not everybody is used to your juvenile humor,” Paige hollered. “Are you nervous, CC,” I asked the young man. “Yes, Sir.” “Why?” “Because Tabitha said you might do something like this.” “Then why weren’t you prepared?” “Because I know I can’t win a war of words with you, Sir.” “So you’re just giving up?” “Elmer!” “Daddy!” “Chained and crying” can fend for himself, but if he can’t I’m going to have me an easy meal,” I replied. “Isn’t that right, boy,” I screamed, which startled everybody in the room. “Elmer, please,” Blake pleaded. I gave Tabitha a wink and then shook the boy’s hand. I do this to everybody; it’s my way of showing that I’m not ready to kill you,” I said. Channing took a deep breath and smiled. “Tabby wasn’t kidding,” the frightened young man replied. “You’re so juvenile,” my daughter snapped. “Hey, I look at Tabitha as family, so any man she brings home will get a talking to, isn’t that right, girl,” I said. Tabitha smiled and gave me a hug. ‘Thank you, but please take it easy on this one,” she whispered in my ear. “Why,” I said in a loud voice. “Because he’s hot, sweet, and very gentle.” “He’s what!” “Elmer,” my friend pleaded in a whisper. “Yes, Elmer, this is lust, also, but I’m a big girl, so…” “You what,” I hollered. “Elmer.” “Okay, Tabitha, but be careful,” I whispered back.

Channing looked like he as ready to faint.

“So, Chainlink, why don’t you tell me a little about yourself,” I said as I sat down next to my wife. “I’m a teacher at the…” “I heard that, now tell me something I haven’t,” I interrupted. “Yeah, Channing, I really didn’t get to know you last night, so I think you need to enlighten us all,” Michael interjected, which mortified Paige. “Oh, God,” she sighed. “I like guitar, writing, and…” “Relax, Channing, my husband, and now apparently, Michael, have twisted a twisted sense of humor,” Blake said. The overwhelmed young man took Tabitha’s hand and smiled, but quickly released it when he saw me glowering at him. “Daddy, please,” my daughter pleaded. “I’m not doing anything,” I replied. “You’re intimidating him.” “Yes, he knows what I’m doing, don’t you, boy,” I asked. “Yes, Sir, you’re letting me know that Tabby has someone who’s looking out for her, which is very noble, Sir. I should be more like you in that regard,” Channing replied. “Okay, what were you guys talking about before I came an upset the apple cart,” I asked. “I forget now,” Paige replied. “Must not have been important,” I said. “Ooh,” my daughter growled.

You have to know how to make an impression.